Driving Miss Dulcie III

Today we had to go for an outpatients visit to the Queen Elizabeth II Jubilee Hospital. Today, also, hopefully the air conditioning will be sorted. Poor Danny, Will’s brother, who has been sorting it out for his mum arrived about 8.30 before he headed off to buy the complete new unit. He is also getting hassle from the people who he originally called to fix the old one but who did not notice it needed a new compressor as well as a new motor. In the end it has turned out more economical to buy a new one but there is still the matter of the parts that were ordered to fix the old one that still have to be resolved. Dulcie is fed up of the whole thing but Danny is shielding her from a lot of the worry.The hospital appointment was at 9.30. We checked the letter for all that we needed to take with us, the appointment letter, recent x-rays and the list of her current medication.We left at 9.00. I was driving so that I could drop them off at the door and Will could take Dulcie in. We all climbed in the car and I started it up and put it in reverse but noticed the air-con was playing up in the car again. I switched off the engine and started it again to get the temperamental  thing working but my foot slipped off the clutch and Roxy lurched backwards with a loud ‘clunk!’“Oh!” cried Dulcie and gave me one of her frightening glares.“Oops! Sorry” I chuckled nervously. I saw Will shaking his head in disbelief in the rear view mirror.We were half way there when she patted my arm on the gearstick.“Thanks for remembering my glasses Nick,” she said. I hadn’t, it had been Will but I took the credit anyway and said;“Oh, that’s ok.”I dropped them off at the outpatient entrance at the hospital and went to park the car. It wasn’t too difficult to find a parking space and then walked back to the out-patient clinic to find them. I walked in and looked in the waiting room. They weren’t there. I wandered down the corridor and found another waiting room but they weren’t there either. I then found another waiting area but again there was no sign of them. I was just wondering what to do next as I headed back to the entrance when I saw them wander in and stand at the reception desk. Will had completely missed the entrance to the out-patient clinic even though I had dropped them off right outside it and had taken Dulcie to the main entrance of the hospital where they had been pointed in the right direction.Shirelle was sat at reception with a Madonna microphone and ear-piece.“Can I help you -oooo?”  She over emphasised and prolonged the ‘oo’ sound in words.Dulcie handed her the appointment letter.“That’s for the Green Suite, their reception is behind you-oooo.”There were quite a lot of different suites on the sign by Shirelle’s desk. I imagined the Green Suite to be for people like Dulcie just having a quick check up and then they go. The Red Suite was probably for people with blood disorders, the Blue Suite for people having difficulty breathing, the Purple Suite for bruising, the Yellow Suite for bladder disorders, I didn’t want to dwell on the Brown Suite and I doubt once you entered the Black Suite you ever came back.While we were waiting for the Green Suite receptionist to check Dulcie’s papers, I heard Shirelle speaking into her Madonna microphone.“This is Shirelle at reception I have some samples for you-ooo,........ yes, two-ooo....... Ok, will do-ooo.”We went and sat in the Green Suite waiting room. It was quite busy and I suspected we were in for a long wait. There were two old dears sat opposite us chatting quietly and conspiratorially.A sign on the wall above their heads urged us to “Join the Bowel Movement!” It was obviously a sign that should have been displayed in the Brown Suite.A large fellow ambled passed who had probably not been able to see his feet or anything below his belly button for quite some time. He found a seat on the far side next to the two old dears.A woman with a stick and wild hair limped passed and out of the waiting area.We sat not speaking and contemplated joining the Bowel Movement.The chap who would not recognise his feet if he ever saw them spoke up. He leaned closer to the two old dears,“I heard a bloke was here last week, he saw the doctor at 9.30 and was dead at 3.00.”He laughed and the old dears laughed too...but there was fear in their eyes, not because they were worried that they would be dead by the end of the day but because they realised he was going to be one of those people who frequent waiting rooms and once he starts talking to you...never stops.He started on another tale about an ambulance breaking down on the way up to Toowoomba and crawling at 20 km per hour. They listened politely but as soon as it was finished turned away from him and started talking quietly to each other to look busy.The large chap sat back. Will closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.The woman with the stick and wild hair limped back in and sat down.There was a moment of peace and quiet then Shirelle broke it over in reception with a loud“How are you-oooo?”A little doctor wandered in.“Jennifer Chalmers?” He looked around. No one moved. “Jennifer Chalmers?”The woman with the stick and wild hair jumped up nearly dropping her stick.“Oh, that’s me.” She was nearly twice as tall as the doctor.“It’s a bit of a walk,” he said.“That’s ok” she said limping out after him.I sighed a big sigh. Dulcie looked at me.“Patients,” she said, “Patients” ....that is what I thought she said but it was really ‘Patience.’A man and his wife came and sat opposite us.  He looked Maori. They immediately both got out their mobile phones.“They are making three sequels to Avatar in New Zealand,” he said to his wife, “but it seems they are having difficulty keeping the blue paint on the Maoris.”His phone rang. I think it was his daughter. I tried not to eavesdrop but what else can you do in the Green Suite on a Thursday morning?Someone had tried to steal her car but they had not managed it but it seems they had taken the keys. He told her to get all the locks changed on the house and put the car in the ‘shid.’ I think ‘shid’ is maori for shed.She asked what he was doing and he told her he was at the hospital with ‘mum’. She must have asked why. He asked his wife, “why are we here again?” She looked about nervously and then said quietly, “because of the lumps on my back.”“The lumps on her back,” he repeated.We all sat quietly and tried not to imagine the lumps on her back.Another tiny doctor came in and took away one of the old dears. The large chap with unseen feet leaned towards the one left behind but she grabbed a magazine and buried herself in it.I wondered if all the doctors were the size of hobbits so that they could fit them more of them in, after all there were quite a lot of suites in the building.“We should have brought some cards.” I quipped.Finally an unseen hobbit called ‘Dulcie Rodgers’ and she got up taking all her documents with her.Three minutes later she was back. We thought she had forgotten something but the consultation was over. They had not looked at the x-ray or the list of medication.As we walked out Shirelle was chatting to one of the tiny doctors,“What can I do-oooo for you-ooooo?” She smiled looking down at him.We’ll never know.