The 'Not-So-Positive' Possie!

Now that I am a ‘Possie’ (sounds like pozzy)...which is a cross between a ‘Pommie’  and an ‘Aussie’, ( and thanks to Will’s brother Danny...who first called me a ‘Possie’ when he congratulated me on my new legal resident status)...I feel more able to pass comment upon this very large, dry, upside down island.Lots of things here are fast!..the spiders, the ants, the geckos, the lizards and the snakes are faster than I expected them to be. Something was fast just now when I went under the house...it ran down the wall and behind a cupboard. It was darkish, about 2 inches long but that is all I can tell you about it because...it was too fast. Even Dulcie is fast...“I’ll just sweep these back steps” I said this morning picking up the little hand brush hanging on the back verandah.“No, I’ll do that,” and she was there and the brush was out of my hand in the wink of a dark, 2 inch long thing that hides behind cupboards.Bureaucracy is not so fast...we know that because it took 8 months (and nearly £2000) for someone to open the envelope I sent to the Australian Embassy in London, pull out all the papers (there were quite a lot) and look through them and lift a stamp and bang it down on them saying "..................O.....................................K!"It’s quite hard to get into this country but especially if you are coming by boat from Indonesia. The Prime Minister, 'Mr Rabbit' is determined to send them back or if not back, at least for a long ‘holiday’ on Christmas Island first.....and then back.  I am sure he will find if he looked back in his own family history they too came by boat. Yesterday he was in Outback Queensland visiting Farmers who are struggling because of the terrible drought. Of course his visit was marred by rain which poured out of the sky and turned out to be the most rain they had had in those areas for years. I would not have been surprised if he turned around and said to the farmers...’There you go...you don’t need Government help anymore.’...but he didn’t. I don’t think he noticed the rain...he is that thick skinned...he probably thought he was sweating badly.Back to red tape, as I have mentioned before, it is going to take 12 weeks for the Queensland College of Teachers to open the envelope I have just sent them, take out all the documents read the four page form I filled in, look at my police check, and the evidence documents of my qualifications and read the reference from my last Headteacher. Understandable, because there will have to be time planned in for tea breaks, some time for looking out of the window and wondering if it is going to rain, a bit of time to talk about last night’s ‘A Current Affair’, another tea break, lunch, some ‘facebooking’ and perhaps a ‘twitter.’ Meanwhile, I will sit here and wait patiently for it to come through before I can legitimately seek employment.....as a supply teacher.In the meantime, there was another job going at Woolies:“We have an exciting opportunity for an energetic and enthusiastic individual to join our Replenishment team.”Yay! I can do that!..it’s putting things on shelves right? Easy!Hmmm.....not so easy. There is a form to fill in....“What does good customer service look like?” (Reply in 500 characters or less).Surely it is: ‘Friendly and efficient’....yikes but that leaves 480 characters left!!!! Do I need to expand on that?“How would you deal with an angry customer?” (Reply in 500 characters or less).Hit them with a baguette? Duck behind the till and occasionally pop up and pelt them with out of date tomatoes? No surely, ‘remain calm, listen to their problem, help them and if you can’t help them, take them to someone who can help them.’ Loads of characters left...Oh Blimey!“How do you manage your time? How do you keep yourself organised? How do you prioritise?”(Reply in 500 characters or less.)I am losing the will to live now...this is for stacking a shelf right? Ok if I had to replenish the Pepsi Max or the Toilet rolls which would I do first? Pepsi Max of course....things might get messy with no toilet roll but without a ready supply of Pepsi Max there might be blood!Look, I don’t know....I can do the job ok...I can replenish energetically and enthusiastically. I know I can do the job.“Describe a time when you felt uncomfortable about doing something? What was the outcome?”(Reply in characters words or less.)Oh, not this one again....For goodness sake!....How about filling in this bloody form?...and the outcome...I didn’t get the job because I used too few characters!“How would you ensure that someone understood what you were saying?” (Reply in 500 characters or less.)Er....Say loudly.....”DO......YOU.....UNDERSTAND......WHAT......I.....AM.......SAYING?” 472  characters left!“Describe a time when you had conflicting priorities. What did you do?” (Reply is 500 characters or less.)‘Well, it was very hot and I was thirsty but I had to fill in a stupid form with silly questions for a job that only needed you to put things on a shelf...so I decided ‘Sod your job!’ ....and I went and got a drink!....and here’s a few more characters to fill in the rest of your stupid space... Scooby, Shaggy, Minnie, Mickey, Donald Duck, Mr Magoo, Daffy Duck, Pluto, Bluto, Tin Tin, Snowy, Goofy, Bugs Bunny, Yogi, Huey, Duwey, Louie, Poohey, Screwy, Youey, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch!!!!’