'Oi! Fatty!'

The Ipad 'pinged' at breakfast.....It was an unexpected email from my friend Anne. It made a lovely change from the usual junk I end up deleting over breakfast. I read it......and then deleted it......by accident..... and had to retrieve it from my 'recycle bin.'Dulcie had her pills...."...and what do you want me to do with this?" She asked, holding one of the inhalers that she has to take daily. She must have used it more than a thousand times...."I need you to suck it and then rinse your mouth out," I said for, possibly, the 500th time since she had started taking it since coming out of hospital.It was 33 degrees outside by 9.30 am.At 10.00 Cecilia came for 'respite'."It's far too hot!" She said, " I was hanging out some washing yesterday and I thought I was going to die!"To be honest, it doesn't look like she gets much exercise, so I could see that her body would have been under some stress.I hadn't a clue what to do with my time but decided when it is 33 degrees and hellishly humid......go where there is air-conditioning so I went to Hong Kong.Well, not actually Hong Kong....but Sunnybank Shopping Mall always reminds me of Hong Kong....but without protesters.It looked like there was a queue to get into the car-park but it turned out that the entrance was briefly blocked by some lazy Asians who could not be bothered to walk from the car park and wanted to be dropped off near the entrance....it is amazing how many Chinese people can fit in a car!I found a parking spot and wandered in and was greeted by a large inflatable Santa in shorts and t-shirt holding a surf board. I will never get used to Christmas and the heat.We have $20 left in our account....but Will does get paid later today. I had a few things I needed to get. I went to 'Coles' first of all to see if they had some blackcurrent juice....in the absence of Vimto I have been mixing raspberry and blackcurrent cordial but had run out of blackcurrent cordial.(As a side note....I have had a reply from Andre at Foodworks to say that he was unable to get Vimto Cordial on the next shipping container and that it will be at least January or February before the next one....."but we have cans!"..he said. I don't want cans.)I found the cordial in Coles and stood looking at it. Could I justify using $5 of our $20 on it?....then a voice in my head said,"Oi, Fatty! It's full of sugar...should you really be drinking it with that belly?"I suppose sitting around a house all day and then eating crisps all evening is bound to have some detrimental and expanding effect upon one's waistline........I walked away from the cordial.I passed a shop called the Meat Bank.....('Hello, I would like to deposit these kidneys and withdraw 4 sausages please.')I went over to Sunny Park.....over the bridge and wandered into Aldi......I got some mineral water, a Turkish loaf and a packet of Dulcie's 'red berry' cereal.They only had one till open as usual...but I had lots of time.The old lady in front of me handed her card to the cashier girl..."Could you do that for me, dear?"The girl put the card in, fiddled with the buttons a bit and turned it for the old lady to put in her pin number.The old lady had been packing her bag and when she had finished she just pulled the card out."No," said the cashier girl, "you need to put your pin number in.""Oh, sorry dear," said the old lady.It was ok....I was in no hurry. I spent just over $7 in Aldi.After Aldi I went to 'Woolies' for milk.Legolas the elf was at the till......his hair was bleached blonde, shaved down the sides and the long hair on top was tied up in a perky blonde pony tail that stuck up.How nice!.....not only do Woolworths employ 87 young poeple every day but the odd elf as well."How's it going?" Asked Legolas.'It's far too hot and my sleep was disturbed by a randy possum but apart from that everything is tickety-boo' is what I thought of saying....but didn't.I took the shopping back to Roxy and still had just under an hour to kill.The voice in my head said...."Oi, Fatty! You know you should have used this time and gone for some proper exercise and got rid of some of that gut!""Excuse me," said a kinder voice in my head, " it is 33 degrees outside.""So!" said the other voice, " at least he would have sweat more!"I decided to go for a walk around the mall again, in the air conditioning.Wandering through the food court was a bad idea because some spring rolls, crispy wontons and a greasy looking fried rice fluttered their eyes at me. I ignored them and walked past...I had will power!I walked quickly on... and distracted by a bright new shop sign looked up and walked smack into the back of a chinese girl standing out side."Sorry!" I said automatically and my mouth filled with her hair. I grabbed her from behind to stop her falling forward...."Sorry, sorry!" and then I was past and kept on going not daring to look back.The flirty spring rolls popped back into me head.....I had only spent $7 of the $20 and there was a cash machine ahead........a small plate of Chinese food was only $7.50.....I put in my card........I would take out $10.......'WARNING!' said the cash point machine....'If you take out more money than is available in your account you may incur extra charges!'I doubted now how much was actually left....so cancelled the transaction and removed my card.I walked back to the car and heard the spring rolls and crispy wontons laughing at me.I still had 30 minutes to kill. Normally I despair when the lights turn red as I approach but  a driving home today I shouted out a triumphant 'yes!' as the lights turned red.....it passed more time.Back at Celtis St....Legolas's milk was leaking!Cecilia and Dulcie were sat with the air conditioning on. When Cecilia had gone Dulcie said,"God! She can bloody talk! I just sat here listening!"A little later a Filipino girl came to help with Dulcie's shower.....she should have had one yesterday but somehow was left off the list........(loud 'TUT!').... and so they had to fit her in today. The Filipino girl was really lovely."That's it now isn't it," said Dulcie when she had gone, "No-one else coming today?""No, that's it....the rest of the day is ours," I said.I had forgotten about Dr Hew."There's a car just pulled up" said Dulcie at 1.00pm.I remembered......"Yes, it's Dr Hew," I said."What's he here for?" she asked."To give you an M.O.T." I said.Just as he came in there was a loud banging at the back.....I went to see what it was and there was Mr Van der Zant from next door."Could you help me with something Nick?" he said."Certainly, I'll just get my shoes." I said.I left Dr Hew with Dulcie and nipped next door with Mr Van der Zant. He wanted me to carry his broken 'Thicknesser' from his shed to under his house...."It is too heavy for me...." he said.I picked it up.......Heck! It was almost too heavy for me! I thought 'this is how Cecilia must have felt hanging out the washing yesterday.'The voice in my head said..."Keep going, Fat boy!"" I might need you to help carry it back again," said Mr Van der Zant. I just nodded....I could not speak.Back with Dr Hew and Dulcie I was still out of breath."How has everything been?" asked Dr Hew."Oh.....puff.......fine......pant.....we've had a bit of a ......puff.......cough and sometimes her feet still....pant.....swell up but ......puff ......apart from that.....pant....all is good......gasp."They were both looking at me as if I was a patient with breathing difficulties!