Dicky Bladder?

"Have you set your alarm?" Asked Will as we got into bed, so I wouldn't be late for my date with Terry."I don't need to, I will be awake," I said confidently.I was awake at 8.45 am but closed my eyes again......not to sleep of course, just closing my eyes......and the next think I knew it was 9.16!I had instructions from Terry to empty my bladder at 9.00 then drink 800mls of water by 9.30......I had 14 minutes left.I dashed upstairs and started to drink and finally finished by 9.40.....10 minutes over but that would be ok, wouldn't it?I got to Terry's X Ray joint on time....it was packed out and there was a tense atmosphere. It is not a big place, about the size of a shipping container. 'Hmmm' I thought looking around, 'this is what it must feel like to be a desperate refugee seeking a better life.'The young receptionist behind the desk just looked stressed out and on the verge of tears.I handed her my papers and she looked at them."Have you drunk the water?" She said accusingly."I have," I said."Take a seat."One had become available while I was waiting at the desk so I squeezed into it between a very large Samoan gentleman and a young Indian girl plugged into an Ipad.I read 'Introducing Terry' the laminated sheet on the wall which always amuses me.....did you know he likes to plant Australian Native species with his son?The young Indian girl looked up uneasily at me as it appeared I was staring at her.....but I wasn't.There was another laminate stuck on the front of the desk..."Fresh not Fried!"Terry appeared in his trainers and purple shirt with far too many buttons undone for someone with that paunch. His receding hair slicked back with chip fat. He had a quiet chat to the girl behind the reception desk (Michelle)....she gasped....."No, it's not your fault, you weren't to know....just ring them and see if you can sort it out."He disappeared again back into his cupboard. An Indian woman appeared and said to Michelle, "I'm just going to leave my next patient for a few minutes while I go and have a drink of water,".......like Michelle gave a damn!From what I gathered it seems that they hugely overbooked appointments and where having to ask people to look elsewhere."Right, whose is the foot? I'm looking for a foot?" It was Terry's professionalism shining through.A young chap stood up and limped off."Is it a nail? Glass? Tin can? Give us a look?" Said Terry, even before the chap had got into the privacy of Terry's cupboard. I winced at the thought.A very tall workman appeared from out the back, his face blackened with soot and wearing very soiled overalls....he looked like a chimney sweep and very out of place....he hovered by the desk but Michelle was having a nervous breakdown, he looked around at the rest of us and caught me looking at him. I smiled. He didn't return it, slid the door open and went out.Had I just dreamed that? Did anyone else see that chimney sweep? I wondered.The Indian woman, now hydrated returned...."Nicholas?"I followed her down to the back of Terry's shipping container. Terry's foot patient was lying on a bed in Terry's cupboard.I followed the Indian woman into a room at the back. It was like stepping into a 'Nocturnal House' at the zoo....it was very dark."Lie on the bed please."I got on."Have you drunk the water?""I have." I said."Could you move a little higher up the bed?"I did."Lift your t-shirt and pull your shorts down a bit........lower.........lower." 'Splurge!' She squeezed some gel on my tummy. It was cold.She put the ultrasound doodah on my tummy and moved it around and shook her head.'I'm going to die' I thought and began to flash through my life....I'd just got to a very amusing bit when she interrupted me...."It's not full," she said, "Did you drink the water?"Yikes! Had taking that extra 10 minutes to drink the water really affected it that much? I felt a bit guilty."I have, I drank the water, 800 mls!""You'll have to come back."She looked at her appointments...."Yes, I can fit you in. Here's a tissue, clean up and meet me at the front desk."Back at reception she said to Michelle, "This gentleman needs to come back in half an hour. His bladder is not full.""Did you drink the water?" Michelle was even more accusing due to her bad day.Mine was not turning out much better."I did!" I almost banged on the desk to make my point."Come back at 11.10.""I'll go and drink more water," I said.I walked to Woolies and got a bottle of water.....and drank it while walking around the shop.....another 600 mls. I was feeling peckish so looked for a snack-let and spotted some warm chicken goujon things near the deli so got them and went and nibbled on them in the car.I also needed to get some blood tests done and wondered if I had time to do it now at Dr Wang's Surgery. I nipped back in."Are they doing the blood tests today?" I asked Bored Stacey."Yes, I think you can just go straight in....down that corridor there."What fantastic luck!The door to Pathology was open. An Indian woman was looking at some papers."Just take a seat," she said as she finished looking at her papers.I handed her my Medicare card and my papers."Right, so have you drunk plenty of water?" Had I!!!!!! I couldn't be bothered to go into it so just nodded."......and have you eaten?""No.........er........yes!" I said."Breakfast?""No just a snack-let about 5 minutes ago.""I'm sorry, I can't do your blood test.....it says 'fasting' here, for a cholesterol test.""It says what?" She handed me the paper sure enough 'Fasting' was circled....."but it was just 5 minutes ago.""I'm sorry, you'll have to come back on Thursday."Dang and Blast!I walked back to Terry's.There was a big lady waiting at the desk. No one was behind the desk. I took a seat. I had plenty to choose from now. Only one was filled by the young Indian girl still plugged into her Ipad."Yes, what can I do for you dear?" An older lady appeared and sat behind the desk.Crikey! Michelle has had enough and done a runner, I thought.The big lady mumbled something......"I'll just go and check..." said the older receptionist.I heard her talking at the back of the shipping container.Michelle appeared with a plate of green leaves and a lump of dry bread in her mouth.'Has this girl got anything to live for?' I wondered."Oh, you're back!" It was the Indian woman. It just struck me that plugged in Indian girl must be her daughter and not a very patient patient."Does your bladder feel full?""Erm, I don't know." It obviously didn't.Back on the bed, t-shirt raised and shorts lowered and following another 'splurge!'.....the Indian woman was once more probing me with her doodah.I crossed my fingers.She shook her head."It's not full. Only 63 mls" She said. How could she be so accurate?"I've just drunk another 600 mls" I said. "Where can it be going? Could I be so dehydrated that it is just being soaked up?"I couldn't say but I'll look at your kidneys anyway."She checked them both out."I can't see any stones," she said.I wasn't expecting there to be any anyway. I am sure it is a more digestive problem.She checked my bladder again.....I now had 70 mls but still not enough.....she did the scan anyway and said she would put a note in for Dr Wang.When it was over I had to wait back at Reception.Terry was now behind the desk.....no sign of any of his receptionists."Everything alright Nick?""Well, I drank the water but didn't have a full bladder.....I even drank another 600 mls.""Really?!" Said Terry, like he'd never heard the like in the whole of his career. He stopped talking to me... I was obviously a freak!I ruminated.....'I've heard of water on the brain...what does it mean? Was my water going to my brain? What happens if water gets in your brain?'"Here are your results." It was the Indian lady. "Just hand them to your doctor the next time you go, hope everything goes well."What did that mean?I dropped the envelope in at the Surgery."Can I leave this here?" I asked Bored Stacey."Ta" she said, stifling a yawn.Back in the car I nibbled on the last few chicken goujons for comfort.