Doctor - Two.

Doctor - One We had a bit of a rush to get to Dr Hew this morning for 9.10. The traffic lights seemed to be against us and we had to wait for 2 trains at the rail crossing at Cooper's Plains....but we got there with a few minutes to spare."I don't think I will need that, Nick," said Dulcie as I was getting her walker out of the back of the car."Ah, but it's useful for sitting on," I said, determined it was coming with us.Marie was on the phone when we trundled in...."Yes, and Dr Hew looked at it?...........Does it need excising?..........Ha! You don't need your ear amputating then! Ok, fine, see you tomorrow then."She jumped up and gave Dulcie a huge hug."You are looking great! Look, even your hair is..........(long pause trying to choose the right word) coloured. How lovely that you came to see me today."We didn't. We came to see Dr Hew."Well, actually we didn't know you would be here. We thought you worked on Mondays and Wednesdays." I said.Marie went into a long complicated explanation of how it had changed but I didn't care so stopped listening.Dulcie went in next even though there had been another elderly couple in the waiting room when we arrived.She didn't take her walker but held onto Marie down the corridor."I can't get over how great she looks," she said to Will and I when she came back. " I think it is because she is dressed differently. She always used to come in the same thing as it it was the way she dressed for the doctors."It was.......long pants, shirt, waistcoat jacket and dark glasses. Today she was in one of her new blouses from Millers and shorts!She was soon out with Marie rushing down the corridor to help her back.She has some more antibiotics for the finger that is still sore and some new cream to put on it. Dr Hew has taken another bit of skin to get it tested."I'm not to get it wet"Crikey! Another fortnight of trying to keep her away from the washing up!Doctor - Two.My appointment was at 11.00.The waiting room was quite empty.....but there was a queue at the desk. First there was a big, burly, fluorescent labourer, then a paddy field worker complete with wide brimmed straw hat and dark glasses, then me. We stood and waited......I wondered who would be on the desk today.......I made a good guess.........I was right.Eventually Bored Stacey swaggered out of the back carrying a pink flask, probably filled with gin, and a phone. It had obviously been her fag break. It made a mockery of the poster behind her on the wall that said "This is a Surgery that supports you in quitting smoking!"The big, burly, fluorescent labourer was checked in and then completely ignoring the paddy field worker, she looked straight at me and said "Nicholas, isn't it?"I was impressed! I sat down.She finally noticed the paddy field worker and checked him in.....I think he had bit of difficulty understanding her.Today on Tonic TV I learned that honey is good for cuts, coughs and in an emergency, as a draft excluder......I jest about the last one but it could be true. Also, apparently, we need to help young people develop their brains. They don't stop developing until they are in their early 20's and the brains of identical twins can develop differently according to how each is stimulated........ok, good tip, thanks! It also said that if I knew anyone who took cannabis or alcohol that I should tell them to go see their GP. I am not aware of anyone I know taking cannabis but alcohol?.......well, that's everybody!"Nicholas?" It was Dr Wang.I know he  sees lots of people but I got the impression he hadn't a clue why I was there. Heck, even Bored Stacey knew me now."My ultrasound results? Are they in?""Oh, yes." He fiddled at his computer. "I think they recommended a CT scan."He read the report and then turned the screen to me so  I could read it, as if I could help him understand what it said.It read:"The right kidney measures 10.9cm and the left kidney measures 9.7 cm in length. Tiny echogenic flecks are seen in both pelvisinus echo-complexes, related to echogenic paracalyceal fat, tiny non- obstructing calculi. Non-contrast CT correlation would be useful to differentiate between these possibilities. There is no renal mass on either side."I couldn't help him......I felt like a paddy field worker watching Bored Stacey's mouth move and wondering what was going on."What does it mean?" I said."I think we need a CT scan." He said. He hadn't a clue either."And my blood test results?""All fine.""And my cholesterol? I think they did a cholesterol test.""5.3."It meant nothing to me. He could have said ' it was very eggy, " and I still wouldn't have known if I was going to live or not.I had to collect my ultrasound films from Bored Stacey on the way out and take them to the hospital when I went for my CT scan.I think I woke her up when I approached the desk."I handed in some films but I need to take them when I go for a CT scan." I said.I didn't hold out much hope of her finding them under all those pastry crumbs and empty crisp packets.She peered at the referral paper Dr Wang had given me."Oh, yes, it's Nicholas isn't it." She had forgotten me already. Her brain could never be saved now.She heaved herself out of her chair, reluctantly, and wandered over to the back."Oh!" she exclaimed, waving the first envelope she put her hand on.She handed it to me triumphantly."That makes me look efficient!"I smiled but my brain was saying, 'Not really Stacey. Not really.