'The Ride of my Life.'

It has seemed quite a long week since Magella rang to tell me of my appointment with Dr Fanning....but the day finally dawned.I chose to travel in by bus to the P.A as I was not sure where I could park. I set off to the bus stop early at 8.25 am. A bus pulled into the stop as I approached the stop but I could not see the number on it. I rushed forward as the door was closing but did not feel I could bang on it until I knew which bus it was. I ran to the front of the bus to look at the number. The driver was watching me his finger poised on the door button. It was the 127. I wanted the 115. I waved at the driver and shook my head and he drove off.The bus was due at 8.43 and by 8.45 my 'kittens' were well and truly stirring and I was wishing I had driven after all. I was just considering how much longer I could leave it before rushing home for the car when the bus arrived.It was quite a shock going from the heat of the bus stop to a seat beneath the air conditioning vent.....no wonder this seat was free....it was like sitting in a meat freezer.I was determined not to get out my mobile phone and peer at it like everyone else sat around me and just sat, shivering, watching the world slide by.I didn't even look to check the time....there was nothing I could do and it would have only stressed me out to know if I was not on time.I wasn't sure which stop to get off at but as soon as I could see the building I jumped off at the next stop.I walked up the hill following the signs to the main entrance. It is a huge hospital with a helipad on the roof and looks pretty new.

It was a bit like walking into a train station, people, seats, shops and not a bit like a hospital.

Magella had given me instruction to take the 'Orange Lifts' to the second floor. There were 'Blue Lifts' and I would have preferred to take those, but I did as I was told. I followed some colourful indigenous footprints painted on the floor and found the 'Orange Lifts.'

The lift doors opened and at last it looked like a hospital, just stark corridors and the smell of TCP. I followed the signs to 2F and found a waiting room packed to the gunnel's with humanity in all its incarnations.

I was slightly apprehensive because Magella had said that she would send a confirmation letter for my appointment and all I had received were two letters saying that I was on a list and would hear about an appointment soon. Were they really expecting me?

They were....all was well.

"Take a seat," said the blonde receptionist.

It was 9.20 am on the clock.

I saw a poster on the wall that said "Have you got Asthma?" Someone has kidnapped the owl?!

They did not have 'TonicTV'. 'Today' was on a TV screen hanging from the ceiling. 'Today' is rubbish, a morning show that spouts sensationalist crap interspersed with overly enthusiastic people selling more crap. Thank goodness the sound was turned down and acoustic guitar music was playing.

They had tried to cheer the place up with false windows on the wall that looked out onto beautiful beach scenes.

It didn't work.

Some names were called over a loud intercom and others just by people stepping out of doors and calling them. I hoped mine would be called by intercom and not by someone stepping out of a door because I could hardly hear them. There were quite a few obese people waddling about....it made me think perhaps I should consider getting rid of 'Elaine' once the kittens had been put down.

"Nicholas Allen?" The voice came from behind me and not from where I was expecting it. It was a young girl. She looked about 17.

"Hi, I'm Tegan. I just need to do a few breathing tests before you see the doctor."

She lead me out of the waiting room, across the corridor and into a room.

"I just need to check your weight and height. Step on here," she said, indicating to some scales.

"My pockets are full," I said.

"It's OK, I'll take it into consideration."

"Yes, knock off about 4 kg s," I said.

She lead me to  a seat and I sat.

"Do you smoke?"

"I had 1 cigarette when I was 17, " I said. "When I was 21 my dad gave me £21 and said 'That's for never smoking,' and I had to tell him that I couldn't take it because I had tried a cigarette when I was 17. He said 'Well, you can keep it for being honest'."

"That's great," said Tegan laughing. "The non smokers are always honest then you get some people who say that don't smoke but perhaps just two packets a week but it is only social smoking.....er, no! That's smoking! My mum  and dad smoke. They said when I got a job they would give up. I've had this job now for 18 months and they still smoke. It just goes to show how addictive it is."

She seemed sad. I didn't know what to say.

I had to blow into a machine quite a few times. It was hard.

"Take a deep breath and BLOW! Keep going, keep pushing, slowly, slowly......and take a breath"

"Right I will give you some ventolin."

"But I don't have asthma," I said.

"No, I know. It's just that I need to test you again but after the ventolin has opened up your airways."

I took the inhaler.

" We will have to wait about 5 minutes," said Tegan.

She wandered off. I was pleased. I didn't want to have to make conversation.....I'm just no good at that.

But she was soon back. We both sat in silence.........it was no good, sigh....

"It's a pity you can't get your mum and dad here and get them tested," I said. "It might help them."

"Yes, I know," she said, " but if I got them here after hours and something went wrong, I would be in big trouble."

She had thought about it then.

There was a weird loop of towelling material hanging from the ceiling like a noose.

"What's that!" I asked.

She laughed. "Lots of people ask that. It's just for holding up wires and tubes when people are being monitored as they are on the treadmill. Right, I think we can do this test again."

We did. It was still hard and made me feel a bit dizzy.

"Well, your readings are all within the normal band, so that's fine. I'll just show you a short cut back to the waiting room."

"Thanks Tegan," I said.

"All the best Nick," she said.

There was a pirate in my seat when I got back to the waiting room. Well, he looked like a pirate. He had definitely not had an easy life, hardship, pain and trouble were etched into his scary face. I didn't feel I could wrestle my seat back off him.

A woman in a bright tabard wandered past pushing three heads on a trolley. (They were not real heads). She obviously worked at the hospital. She was smiling beatifically as she wheeled the trolley as if waiting for someone to wave and say "Oh, can I have a head, white, no dandruff."

The heads were adorned with headscarves.

No one seemed to care or bat an eyelid. She slid off.

"Diane Gregson?" An Indian doctor called.

A very thin lady with a stick got up. I have never seen such thin legs...they were just skin covered bones. She walked slowly towards him.

"How are you Margaret?" He asked.

"It's Diane!" she said.

Can you ever tell if an Indian is embarrassed? I couldn't.

The guitar music was still playing but it was terrible. Why would they put this tape on I thought and then I realised it was someone actually playing a guitar in the waiting room, while he waited.

"Brett Dimples?"

The pirate got up.

He wasn't a pirate. What pirate is called Brett? It would be embarrassing.....but perhaps 'Brett the Bastard' was just about passable....but not 'Dimples.'

It was now 10.25.

I noticed a sign which said 'If you are still waiting for your appointment 30 minutes after your allotted time please see Reception.'

I went to Reception.

"My appointment was at 9.30 and it is now 10.25 and I am still waiting," I said, "but I did go for a respiratory test and might have missed being called."

"What is your name again?" Bored Stacey popped into my head.

I told the blonde receptionist and she disappeared.

"You're next," she said, when she came back.

I sat down again.

I didn't have to wait much longer.

"Nicholas Allen?" It was a guy who stepped out of a room and just shouted, no intercom....but I heard him.

He was wearing a suit. He was the first one I had seen in a suit. It was a good sign.

He held out his hand. It was cold.

"I'm Dr Fanning, pleased to meet you."

He was wearing cuff links! This guy was good. He was a proper doctor!

I knew what was going to happen and Dr Fanning also knew before he spoke to me what he was going to suggest.

He asked me questions, "Did I smoke?" ('Once when I was......etc.) "That doesn't count."

"Do you have a cough?" ('Yes, on and off for quite a while.')

"Coughed up any blood?" ('Well, yes actually a few time there has been blood in my phlegm.')

"Have you been in contact with asbestos?" (Well, yes we used to play with it when we were younger and build dens with it.) "That's OK as long as you did not break it, smash it etc." ('Eeek!' I thought......cos we did, but didn't say anything.)

"Have you had any chest x-rays before?" ('Well, yes at the QEII when they were sorting out my high blood pressure last year.) "I wonder if we can find it online?"

He did! Amazing!

He peered at my chest x-ray from last year on the computer screen....it was not conclusive....."I feel there is something there" he said.

I could see nothing but he was the one wearing the cuff links. He knew what he was talking about.

It was conclusion time......

"It looks like something that has been there for a long time." He showed it me on the CT scan.

"The calcification in it points to it more likely being benign, but the spicules point to it being not so good. The fact that you are well is in your favour but the fact that you are over 50 is less in your favour."

I knew what was coming. 'Something' is attached to my left lung and being inside me, it is in quite a difficult spot to easily get a look at so obviously......

"I think we need to do a biopsy. How do you feel about that?"

"Fine," I said, "I just want to get it sorted."

"It will be local anaesthetic. A needle will be inserted to take the biopsy."

He had to go through all the risks....i) minor bleeding at the puncture sight.

                                                                 ii) possible coughing up of blood.

                                                               iii) the lung collapses.

                                                                iv) infection.

All these were more than 5% likely. Less likely were 'air embolism leading to heart attack' and death. (less than 1% chance.)

He lead me to another room to read through a form with how the procedure would be carried out and all the risks involved which I had to sign.

He held out his cold hand and I shook it again.

"See you soon" he said.

A nurse arrived. I gave her the signed form.

"Right your biopsy appointment is for the 25 th February. You need to come to admissions at 6.00 am on that day. Come with me and we will get Reception to book you in for a follow up appointment with Dr Fanning on 2 nd March."

Wow! It was all so quick.....great!.....but hang on............It's all so quick!..........yikes!!!!!!

The blonde receptionist had some difficulty at reception with her computer.

"Magella, could you just help me with this?"

A woman with enough hair for triplets and a poodle came over and peered at the screen.

So this was Magella!

Magella sorted it and I had my appointment for the 2 nd of March.

I left and texted Will.

"Do you want us to come and pick you up?" I got his text as I was in the Orange Lift going down and had just spotted that Callum from Masterchef Australia was giving a cookery demonstration in the foyer today.....just about now. If they came to for me I could stay for a bit and watch Callum.

'Yes, pick me up please.' I texted back.

"Setting off in 2 minutes' was the reply.

The cookery demonstration hadn't started but Callum was there....

My phone rang.....it was Will.

"Do you have the keys?"

I felt in my pocket........DOH! I bet Tegan didn't knock off their weight!

I had to catch the bus home after all. I left Callum with his wilted asparagus and headed to the bus stop.

I had to wait for 20 minutes.

I felt fine. I wondered if I was normal because I didn't feel overly worried about everything that was happening.

I watched a spider slide across the pavement without moving its legs as if it was on a mini skateboard...."Its dead, darling!" said a voice in my head.

It was being dragged home by tiny shopping ants.

My bus was due soon. The automated bus stop sign flashed up the time it was due.

The time came and passed and the bus did not show up and it had completely disappeared off the automated sign which was now only showing the times of later buses.

I couldn't have missed it going past could I?

I had just resigned myself to waiting for another 20 minutes for the next bus when it turned up.

I avoided the seat beneath the air conditioning blast and sat somewhere else. I sat behind an African man who was speaking  into his mobile phone far too loudly for someone with normal hearing.

I watched the world slide by.....I felt like I should really be more distressed.....maybe that would come, maybe it wouldn't.......but there was nothing I could do......I was on the Rollercoaster of Life and you just have to ride it to the end.

Dulcie was on the phone when I got walked in.

"No, dear, this is Dulcie Rodger's house. You've got the wrong number dear. Bye dear."

"Who did they ask for?" I asked.

"I can't remember," she said " but no one here."

I knew it had been for me.

To confirm my suspicions, my mobile phone rang. It was the hospital. They had forgotten to give me a form for me to get some blood tests done. They were going to send it to me and I would have to go to the QEII to get them done before I went for the biopsy. Oh Joy!

Jen rang me in the afternoon.

"I know what you are going through," she said.

"I feel fine," I said, " I feel a bit of a fraud."

"We're just twins aren't we?"

"I like to think of us more as 'Cyst-ers'." I said.