The deed is done!

I think I must have got some sleep but I remember being awake for much of the night. I was not asleep when the alarm went off at 5.15 am. Even the birds were not yet up.We were at the hospital just before  6.00. The early morning Sun illuminating a large cloud in the east like the ones you see in paintings of Heaven.

The morning sun streams into the P.A.

The woman at Admissions window number 1 checked my admission form."Just take a seat, Nicholas, and we will call you shortly." I can't remember how many times I have heard that recently.....it might be in my best interests to actually change my name to 'Shortly.'Will wanted to know where he was to pick me up. The woman at Admissions window number 1 was now telling someone else they would be called 'Shortly.'I went to the woman at Admissions window number 3.....misreading a sign and mistaking her for the Information desk.She was a bit put out."Can you tell me where the DSTU is?" I asked. (Day Surgery and Treatment Unit)."You need to go to window number one first," She said, not looking up from her computer screen as her aged fingers, surprisingly sprightly, danced across the keyboard." I have been there. I just want to know where the DSTU is so that my partner knows where to collect me.""We will tell you where to go when we call you shortly.""But......" My sails were winded."Oh, you need to tell someone where it is now?" Her ears had opened and the light had dawned.She handed me a slip with directions. It was really quite simple but she had made it so much harder.We sat and watched the World go by.....even a Pygmy with a walker. Lots of hospital staff were wearing green as they sauntered past with their water and smoothie bottles."Do you think they are theatre staff?" I asked.Will didn't know.....I decided not to ask Grumpy at window number 3.One bloke sashayed past wearing purple. Will and I looked at each other.......he was definitely on 'our bus.' He probably worked in 'Flower Arranging.'We waited about 30 minutes......"Nicholas Allen, window number 1."I went back up to the window.....she went through all the questions I had filled in on my admissions form in front of her.....Funny how the answers were still all the same as the ones I had written.When she was satisfied she directed me to the DSTU.....up the Orange Lifts......(Oh, when will I use the Blue ones?).Will came with me to see where it was and then I said 'Bye' to him at the door and went in."Hello, blah, blah, take a seat, blah........shortly."The woman who called me 'Shortly' had a cast on her leg. I think it was a fashion accessory. She went through all the questions I was asked on the admissions form, and had been re-asked by the woman at Admissions window number 1.....guess what?.....the answers were still the same."Right take a seat and we will call you shortly."A nurse called Jen came for me. She took my blood pressure. It was high."Are you nervous?""Just a bit," I lied.She went through all the risks again and what was going to happen and then took me to change into my surgical outfit, complete with paper underwear."Are they Calvin Klein?" I asked."I'm afraid not," said Jen.

Not Calvin Klein's!

She left me to change in a cubicle. The gown was ridiculous.....I could have fitted me and three other people in it and a donkey! How the heck are you supposed to tie it at the back?.....It took me ages to get it sorted......in the end I had to lay it on the floor, tie it up down there and then slip it on. I took so long Jen came back to see that I hadn't died of old age. To top it all off I had to wear a 'very attractive' head net.......why?....I don't have any hair!My net was blue......it suited me......apparently it was because I had no allergies...the other two people sat in the area reserved for people changed into surgical gear, were wearing red......they had allergies.We had a TV to watch but it was not TonicTV.....it was flippin' 'Today!'Luckily I was not sat there long when another young nurse came for me.....it turned out she wasn't a nurse after all but a doctor......"I'm going to put in your cannula, in case we need to give you fluids.......this may sting."It did.I was sent back to 'Today!' but again, luckily, I didn't have to endure it long as another little nurse came to take me onto the DSTU ward.I had been given a wrist band on and an ankle band, each with my name and date of birth on. Jen checked my ankle band while the little nurse checked my wrist band......they matched so I was led into the ward."Why do I have 2 bands on?" I asked. I was only used to one. "It's not in case I get cut in half and you can match the bits up, is it?"The little nurse laughed, to see such fun and Jen ran away with a.......clipboard.I was put in bed in Bay 5.

 Needing some attention.

 All the other beds were empty. The little nurse went and fetched me a blanket which came out of a special warming machine."Is it too hot?""It's fantastic!" I said."I know I want one of them in my new house," she said.The little nurse went through all the questions that I had answered on the admission form, that the woman in window number 1 had asked me and the nurse with the cast on her leg. She was writing it all down in a file."That's a flippin' big file for someone who has not been at this hospital before," I said."Tell me about it," she said.When it was over...and, surprisingly, none of the answers had changed....She said....."I'm going to put you on oxygen.""Why?" I asked."It's just procedure for lung biopsies.....and it is supposed to be great for your skin.""Ooh, well I will pretend I am in a day spa today," I said as she fitted the tubes up my nostrils.A male nurse came past...."Everything alright?" He asked the little nurse. "I've got a coffee and a 'Macca's. I'll be back in 5 minutes," he said disappearing.The little nurse introduced me to Shirley."I'll be looking after you while you are in here today," said Shirley. She took my blood pressure on my left arm. It was still high so tried it on my right arm......it was a much better result. "We'll stick to your right arm for blood pressure I think," she said. "Right, you are all set, I'll go and phone radiology and tell them you are ready."A little Filipino man came for me about 5 minutes later. He wheeled my bed out of DSTU. Shirley came with us.It was weird watching everything slide by while you are sat in bed.... and not steering."We call this the Grey Mile" said Shirley as we got into a long grey corridor.I was the first patient in Radiology. Shirley handed me over to the radiology staff by going over everything that I had gone over three times before....I'm glad I didn't have to do it any more.I had quite a wait in Radiology......it filled up while I was there. A bald nurse.....(yes, he was a man) came to tell em I was going in soon but that they were just waiting for the doctor.....he rolled his eyes.I looked at the clock....it was 9.00 am.Finally I was wheeled into a CT Scanner room bed and all.The doctor introduced himself. He looked as if he was from one of the Pacific Islands."My name is Arash."Perhaps it was a good thing that I didn't get Avirus or Apandemic."Why are you here?" he asked.Blimey! Hasn't he read all the flippin paper work?"I'm having a lung biopsy."He nodded and told me what was going to happen......."Have you any more questions?""Yes, " I said, "Have you done this procedure before?" He smiled.The bald nurse laughed. "That's a great question....how about did you have a good breakfast this morning?""Or, did you get a good night's sleep," chipped in another nurse.Dr Arash had walked off at this point as we all chuckled on."I need you to lie on your back on the machine" said the bald nurse becoming serious again.I did."No, he needs to be on his front," said Dr Arash.I turned over and lay on my front. I still had the oxygen tubes up my nose and they fitted a blood pressure monitor to my right arm and I was constantly aware of trying not to bang the cannula in my left arm."Right," said Dr Arash, "I want you to try and keep as still as you can for the duration. Get into a comfortable position."I tried.....it was not easy."Now this is very important.....I will be asking you to take breath and hold it and I want you to take the same amount of breath each time as I slide the needle in. We have to be very careful."I started to practise breaths.We are going to do a few scans first to find the correct position.They all left me alone to the radiation and my breathing practise. They did 2 scans then a nurse put a 'grid' on my back " to help pin point it more accurately."Another scan followed, the grid was moved again and then they were happy.Dr Arash appeared in what looked like tribal dress. He looked like a Voodoo God in a brightly coloured but heavy tabard and a skirt!Ye Gods!...and then I realised it was probably lead protection for the radiation from the CT scanner while he stuck the needle in me.He said something to the bald nurse about a 'long lung'. The nurse went to some shelves with boxes on. The boxes were labelled, 'Long lung', 'short lung', 'long liver', 'short liver,' 'long kidney', 'short kidney'.....the nurse got something out of the boxes and placed them right in front of me on the CT bed I was lying on. They were an assortment of large needles!It was not what I needed to see. I tried not to look at them.Dr Arash was involved in some complicated unpacking of sterile equipment.He put some very cold gel on my back and then a large paper cover."Right, I am going to give you the anaesthetic."The bald nurse leaned in....."You might feel a sting but the anaesthetic can be uncomfortable. You will feel it going in and then after that all you will feel will be a little prodding.""I've had anaesthetic before at the dentists," I said, " I think I know what it feel like."I didn't. It was horrible! It made me wince and I tried not to jump.The nurses left leaving me and Dr Arash in the room."I am putting the needle in now....."I felt some prodding but no pain. He stood back.I slid into the scanner."Take a breath and hold!"I chose an easy shallow breath....it was the one I felt that I could repeat the easiest.I slid out."And breathe again."More prodding. He stood back. I slid in again."Take a breath and hold!"I did. The machine beeped and I slid out.He didn't say "And breathe again.".......I waited........and waited........I was running out of breath. It was agony. I had to breathe. I took a deep breath in and was really worried about the needle.He didn't say anything, just more prodding.Into the machine again, breath held, and as I slid out...."And breathe again.""I am now going to give you more anaesthetic."It was worse.....I could feel it going in deep inside my back. I let out a little sound."Take a breath and hold!"..... more prodding."I am going to give you a little more anaesthetic."I braced myself........it was truly awful.......as if it was in my heart.There were a few more ins and outs of the machine before he was finally happy it was in the right place to take a sample."Take a breath and hold!"I did my shallow breath.I could tell he put something in my back and then pulled it out......I waited for "And breathe again." It didn't come. He put s omething else in......my eyes were widening and I was running out of breath.....the blood pressure monitor started to inflate on my right arm......squeezing......I couldn't hold it any longer and had to breathe.I was so scared of that flippin' needle in my back puncturing my lung."And breathe again." He said.A nurse appeared at my side. "Are you alright?""I can't hold my breath for as long as he wants me to," I said."Ok, well we are just checking to see if what we have got is a good sample, otherwise we will have to try again. Just lie there a minute."'Please let it be a good sample,' I thought.There were some quiet mutterings......the bald nurse picked up a bigger needle thing.We were obviously going again."Are you ok?" asked Dr Arash."Yes, but I can't hold my breath for as long as you seem to want me too." I said."O.K. " I slid into the scanner again. "Take a breath and hold!".....I did, but there was an unprotected nurse still in the room."And breathe again." The nurse ran out."Take a breath and hold!" I did. the machine beeped I slid out. "And breathe again."'That's it', I thought, 'that's all you have to do.""Take a breath and hold!" He slid something into my back. There was a click like scissors closing. "And breathe again.""Take a breath and hold!" I did......oh, when will this end?......another click,..........I waited, nothing. My eyes widened and my arms began to tremble and I desperately tried to hold my breath.....a door opened and a nurse rushed in and she put her hand on my arm...."And breathe again." She said quietly.They were finally happy with what they had got."How are you feeling?" Asked Dr Arash."Glad it is all over," I said."Yes, it was a tricky one," he said.I was taken back out to the radiology department where I had to wait for a chest x-ray.Olivia, a nurse came to take my blood pressure."Hmmm, it was a bit high in there.......200 over 90.""I'm not surprised, " I said, "it was stressful!"Olivia either loved cake or she was eight months pregnant......it turned out she was pregnant. She had a week left before maternity leave.I didn't have to wait for long for my chest x-ray. It must have been fine because I was wheeled back to the DSTU, back down the 'Grey Mile.'"Here he is!" Said Shirley. as I glided in."Did you miss me?" I asked.Shirley said I now had to wait for 4 hours and then have another chest x-ray before I went home. She said I could tell Will to expect to collect me about 3 ish.

Shirley monitored my blood pressure every half hour.....it went down over the 4 hours.Julie was wheeled into the bay next to me....she had had a lung biopsy too but her's was in her side.At one point I was on playing on my Ipad. I heard Shirley saying "Yes, Michael is going home in half an hour, Julie about 3 thirty and Nicholas has to wait until 6."I put my Ipad down and looked at her.She laughed. "I was just seeing if you were listening to me," she said.My chest felt tender and at first deep breaths hurt but over the four hours the pain got less. They were bang on time for my second chest x-ray.....this time I went in a wheelchair. I was in and out in flash and back to the DSTU.Shirley got the doctor to check me over.She introduced me. "Sian, this is Nick, he doesn't drink or smoke or drink tea or coffee, but he is not boring.""So it seems they suspect you had a minor lung puncture after the procedure," said Sian."Did I?" It was news to me."How are you feeling now?"I felt fine. She listened to my breathing. She gave me the O.K to go home."I'm a day patient. Get me out of here!" I said to Shirley.I could finally get out of my paper underwear, get dressed, and eat something.I wished Julie well........"and you too," she said, waving as I walked out."Thanks Shirley, you have been an Angel," I said."Take care," she said, smiling " I really hope I don't see you again."I sat in the discharge suit and soon in glided Dulcie in her wheelchair with Will behind.He had to sign a form to say he would watch me for 24 hours.........he's been in bed for 2 hours while I write this.He's shirking his responsibilities.It is good to have it all behind me.......I was worried about it and it was worse than I thought it was going to be but  I was looked after very well and can say nothing bad (apart from Dr Arash forgetting to tell me to breathe) about my treatment so far.So.......Monday 2nd March......it is back to Dr Fanning.....for the results.Fingers crossed.