Return of the Wuss!

So........last night I awake in the darkness of the Man-cave and remember that the last time I had my tooth filled, the same one that was being dealt with today, that the dentist had said that it had been very difficult to do because it was so deep and very near the nerve!.......I didn't get much sleep after remembering that.I was already stressed out when I got to the QE II as the traffic had been dreadful. Even here in Australia, road planners and traffic light programmers get it badly wrong.The lift door was wide open as I entered through the front sliding doors and I made a dash for it but it started to close. It was a bit of an Indiana Jones moment as by the time I reached it there was only about a foot gap left and I stuck my arm in it hoping it would slide open again.I heard a woman inside squeal in alarm before the lift door slowly opened again."I thought you were going to get crushed," she said, "and I would travel up with am arm stuck in the door."The Dental surgery waiting room was empty. I stood at reception. The woman who booked your next appointments was sat there but no one else was about and it was probably not in her job description to book people in as well.A woman eventually appeared. I handed her my card. It was already 9.20."Thank you, take a seat."I think I sat for only 10 seconds before...."Nicholas Allen to surgery 6, please"I knew where it was this time.The smiley Indian woman was there and the Elective Mute. The Indian woman greeted me warmly,"Hello again,"But the Elective Mute ignored me and was wandering about opening and closing cupboards.I sat in the chair."How lucky that you were able to get an appointment so quickly," said the smiley Indian lady."I don't see it as lucky. I was hoping for it to be at least a month. I hate fillings. Actually I remembered last night that the last dentist who filled this filling said that it was very deep and very close to the nerve.""It will be fine, I am only replacing the filling."'Have you been listening to me?' I wondered.The Elective Mute was loading the dentist's tray with all manner of implements of torture." What a frightening array of implements," I said.Nothing! Deadpan!They started to mask up and put on their welding gear.The chair slowly lowered and I pulled a funny but frightening face and noticed the Elective Mute's eyes crease at the sides...I made her smile!I thought the chair was not going to stop and it got lower and lower and I actually did start to slide off it backwards before it thankfully stopped and I was raised a little again."Could you pass me the harrowing stun probe?"I closed my eyes."I'm just going to give you a little anaesthetic to numb things a bit for you."'No, pleashh, give me a lobt,' I wanted to say but my mouth was full of her fingers.She sprayed something on my gums.....surely there was more to it than that. I was at least expecting a needle!The needle came next. The spray must have been to numb my gum for the needle going in."Right we need to let that go numb. We'll just give the area a clean while we wait."The Elective Mute was in there with her sputum hoover and the Indian lady with her tooth hose."Just relax your cheek," she said pulling it as far is it would go.The cleaning did not take long at all and was not uncomfortable at all."Right, let's get started."'Yikesh! Do youb fink I ab numb enub yet? I don't!' My head was saying.The drill appeared and in it went.I ground down on my tooth."Just raise your hand if it gets too much and we will stop."I got my hand ready.It seemed to be endless grinding and the sputum hoover was going and a tooth hose as well. I just clenched my eyes closed but expecting any minute for her to hit the nerve.She stopped and paused to look at my tiny x-ray.....I could see nothing except the outline of teeth.She started to drill again and then stopped again."Yes, it is very deep."'Well, shtop den." I thought.She carried on drilling......surely she would hit my nerve any moment now..........The drilling stopped."Right, we need to dry it now because the filling will not stick if it is wet. Relax your cheek. Sandy could you pass the cataclysmic desiccating device? Now don't move, keep still."They dried my tooth. and she went at it with the mini metal hook trying to break bits off."Now I am going to fit a containment clamp.......if.........I .........can..........get..........it.......on," she said, wrestling it over my tooth."Now I am going to put the lining in. Sandy, the pernicious impermeable sheath?"She put something in, packed it into my tooth and then stuck in a purple glowing light stick and Sandy held an orange colour paddle over my mouth to shield their eyes from its glow. The light stick beeped twice and she pulled it out.She kept stuffing things in and then holding the light stick over it, and Sandy the orange colour paddle, before she finally said,"Right, now we will polish it. The pestiferous staining quilt, Sandy please."She stuck a small piece of black paper in my mouth."Now bite this gently and grind your teeth side to side a bit for me."She went in with the polisher which was very much like a different drill to me and seemed to be grinding my new filling down. I suspected that the black paper had in some way marked my tooth and she was grinding those bits down so that the top and bottom teeth fitted together well.This process took almost as long as the the filling itself but finally she seemed happy with it and the chair came up."Fank you sho mush," I gushed."Oh, it is nothing. I will put you on the waiting list for check up and clean. You are free to go.""Do I nob neeb to shee der lady ab der deshk?""No, you are free to go.""Well, fank you bowsh sho mush."......and I walked out without paying anything.It was the best filling I have ever had!