In Search of 'Conni'........not 'Kylie'!

So.......after the 'Shanita Shower Shocker!' Will announced that Centrelink had not paid me the correct amount of pension this fortnight.I had to ring them earlier in the month as Will had been paid slightly more than normal for some extra work he had done. If he earns more I get less but it is best to be honest about these things particularly if you have a tribunal hanging over your head about mis-payments! I hate phoning Centrelink because it can take ages to get through. I did not mention the last time on here but it was as harrowing and as soul destroying as previous calls. On my first attempt I got through quite quickly and was explaining the reason for my call when I ran out of  credit and was cut off! The second attempt took ages to connect but when I was eventually connected it all went OK with the girl saying she was not quite sure if she had done it properly but that she would make a note in her diary to ring me if the amount I was paid the following fortnight was not right.So, here was Will today saying it was not right.......and she had not rung me......I never expected her to, to be honest. When she said that she would I remember thinking...'and pigs might fly!'I couldn't face wasting time on another phone call and so decided just to go to Centerlink at Inala to get it sorted out. I would rather waste time sitting in green chairs with BooBoo UmBongo, Mohammed Wazoo and Ho Lee Fuk than spend 45 minutes listening to Handel's Water Music again!I needed to go out anyway to get an extra bed pad for Dulcie's bed. We have three already, a ' Conni' and two 'Kylie' s. The 'Conni' does the job, the 'Kylie' s don't and so I wanted to get another 'Conni' so I could retire the 'Kylie' s to the dump where they belong and save water by reducing washing loads at the same time.I found the 'Conni' website 'on't t'internet' and found four places nearby that stocked them.First to Inala.......They had changed the Centrelink office round since the last time I was there. They had new green 'armchairs' Woohoo! No sooner had I been checked in and sat in one of  the new comfy green armchairs than my name was called.What the heck! I was even called before Mohammed Wazoo and Ho Lee Fuk. BooBoo Umbongo did not seem to be there today.To cut a long story short, basically, my payment was right. The girl I had spoken to on the phone had split the payments over two fortnighly payments rather than one because the day I reported Will's extra money it was slap bang in the middle of a 'thingummy' or a 'doodah' and the bloke at Centrelink Inala would not have done it that way but my payments would go back to normal for the next fortnightly payment.......but,"Hang on a minute....." he said, "You will be $1.60" short per fortnight........why is that?..........has anything changed?""Well, yes actually it has" I said, but I didn't want to go through all the hoo-ha about them mistaking £225 for $225 leading to them paying me $100 a fortnight less for the last year or draw attention to the fact that I was taking Centrelink to a (telephone) tribunal this coming Monday over the whole thing. I drew a veil over the whole thing."Look," I said, "I'm not bothered about $1.....if it were a $100 then I would be but $1?.......no. Thanks for your help."I got up and walking away did consider shouting "Ho Lee Fuk!" to save the fellow having to do it himself........ but didn't.I drove to Forest Lake in search of 'Conni'.....the first place on my list. No luck......they didn't have any."I could order you one in" said the 12 year old girl on the till."No thanks, " I said, "I have few more places to try."I decided the next best place was 'Mobility and Independence' at Underwood. They were apparently in 'The Zone'. I found 'The Zone'.....a rather run down looking outlet precinct but could not find 'Mobility and Independence' but spotted a large Pharmacy instead."Do you sell bed pads?" I asked a shop assistant in the Pharmacy. She was far too helpful and friendly for someone who had worked there too long. She must have been new and in the rosy blush of recent employment. They did have bed pads......but not they were not 'Conni's'."Do you know where 'Mobility and Independence' is?" I asked her."Ah, they used to be next door but they closed down about a year and a half ago apparently. They have moved to Paramatta Rd. Come with me, I will give you their number and address. They have changed their name to 'Freedom'."I knew where Paramatta Rd was because that is where Udi is who fixes Roxy.I thanked the girl and went in search of 'Freedom' and found it at the very end of Paramatta Rd. It didn't look like a shop more like an old neglected office building. I opened the door and went in.I walked into a huge room with a pathetic amount of objects spread about the space.....two wheelchairs, three wheely walkers, a bed and a commode. There was no one around but I saw a sign to my right that said 'Reception/Office Upstairs'.I had hardly set foot on the stairs when a voice said "Hello Love.""Hello," I said climbing up to where the voice came from. I was met by a lady dressed very much like a doctor in a brilliant white smock but wearing a dark cardigan over it. She had the weary eyes of a Bassett Hound. She was sat behind a desk on the landing at the top of the stairs."How can I help you?""Do you sell Conni bed pads?""I don't love, not any more but I know someone who does. I'll just give them a ring and see if they have any."I took a seat without being asked.....I was getting fed up now."Hi Geegee, it's Jayjay, listen I've got a chap here in desperate need of a Kylie, do you still sell them?""I don't want a 'Kylie'." I interupted, "I want a 'Conni'.""Do you sell 'Conni'?"she asked.........................."Ah, they don't sell 'Conni' or 'Kylie' but they have their own brand," she said to me.I must have looked unimpressed."They don't let urine through do they?" she asked Geegee. "No they don't let urine through," she said to me as if that was going to make more impressed."I'll send this chap then........Oh, you've moved have you?"Mobility seemed to be the fashion."Can I ask why you moved?" She asked.'No, go ahead and have your little Geegee catch up,' I thought 'I have all the time in the world.'"You're in Beenleigh?........is that before McDonalds or after McDonalds?"I didn't care.....I wasn't going to Beenleigh. She took down the address while I noticed a smartie lying on the floor under her chair......it was swarming with ants."Right thanks.....I'll send this chap now. Bye."I took the address she handed me and thanked her but I wasn't going to Beenleigh......I left her to her ants.Ho Lee Fuk came to mind again strangely.......as did a brief vision of William Wallace from Braveheart standing in the car park outside shaking his fist and crying "You can stick your Freedom!"I got out my list again and there was a chemist at Sunnybank that supposedly sold 'Conni's'. I decided to try there on my way home.I found the Chemist at a small innocuous group of shops in a housing estate and did not hold out much hope of finding 'Conni' here.....but I was wrong. They had two.'$67.50' said the price on the shelf.I went to the counter."Do you have a Chemart card?" asked the Asian man behind the counter."No," I said."Do you want one? You might as well."I was too worn out to argue. He took my details from my driver's license and fed it into the till computer."Rejected?" He looked bemused at the screen. "Can we try it again next time?" He asked. I nodded but asked,"Why was it rejected this time?"He ignored my question and said "That's $70."I was even too tired to ask why it was $70 when it said $67 on the shelf. I couldn't even see his name badge properly it looked like 'Fuk Yoo.'I paid and left and took 'Conni' home.As I pulled into the drive I remembered I had forgotten to take my blood pressure tablet that morning due to the 'Shanita Shower Shocker'........and with how the day had gone on it was a wonder I was still alive to tell you about it.Don't even think it!