New Start?.........Same old hassles!

So.........my carer payment finally ends next week......which is fair enough but for the last month or so I have been getting text messages from Centrelink urging me to report income.I haven't had to do that for most of the time I have been receiving the carer payment and only had to do it when there has been a change in Will's income. It is a soul destroying task which can take up to an hour of waiting on hold listening to classical music before someone answers your call. In the end I decided it was far better to go to the office in Inala and wait on the green chairs with the rest of the World and deal with a real person......though that could be debatable.I had a text this week informing me that I was 13 days overdue in reporting my income and that I had to report it that day or I would not receive my next payment. It was not the first time I had received that text and had rung up and enquired about it and was told it was a 'bug' in the system.........but it is a nasty 'bug' and when you get it it is hard to ignore it considering the circumstances......so off I went to Inala to wait on the green chairs.When my name was eventually called I explained the situation to the very smily and helpful girl on the other side of the desk.She didn't know what was going on and why I had received the text because she could see from her computer screen that I had been conscientious in reporting at the correct time.( I can only assume that I am now being asked to report income because my payment is coming to an end and I may have started a new job.)"Don't worry about it, " said the girl, " but I'm sorry you can't report today because your actual reporting day is tomorrow."It's amazing isn't it that we can send a probe to land on Mars and even a comet hurtling through space. We can transplant hearts and even a face but you can't report your income a day earlier......even if there was no income and nothing had changed from your previous reporting of your income."You will have to report tomorrow and then your last reporting date is the 16th next week. What are you going to do after that?" She asked."Er.......I don't know." I said."Are you not applying for New Start?" (It is like the UK Job Seekers Allowance)."Oh, I don't think I am entitled to that," I said, " It was OK for me to get a Carers Payment on my visa but I am not sure about other welfare payments.""It looks to me like you meet all the requirements," she said."Do I apply online?" I asked."Yes, when you come in tomorrow to report why don't you fill in the application here on our computers?"" I usually ring to report but I hate waiting for ages on the phone listening to that awful music.""Which number do you ring?" She asked.I told her."Oh, here is another one. This is just for the reporting line."Now they give me the *&%$ing 'reporting line number'!.......just when I am coming to the end of having to report.I did ring the number she gave me yesterday and I got through straight away!!!!!!All the time I would have saved if I had been given this number earlier.......perhaps someone who answered when I rang the other number could  have said "Oh, it would be better if you ring this number to report your income ". DOH!I didn't have the strength to face more time at Centrelink in Inala yesterday but got an email informing me that as I had registered my intention to claim the New Start Allowance I needed to get the application in quickly. Heck! The girl I saw must have registered that for me because I certainly had not.I went to Inala today.I didn't have to wait in the green chairs, the girl had said I could go straight to the computers, so I did.I consider myself fairly well educated and quite computer literate but even I had to ask for help to get started......the initial screen that greets you was as clear as mud.......and I can read English. I felt for those people with English as a second language. They did have help however. There was a table nearby with four people sat at it, twiddling their thumbs. On the table was a sign saying 'Interpreters'........'Very Bored Interpreters' would have been more appropriate.I set about applying for the New Start Allowance not knowing anything about it. After working full time for 27 years in the UK I felt very uncomfortable applying for welfare payments from a country I have barely lived in and hardly contributed to, except as a Carer for one of its citizens for just over a year, but answered the questions as best I could.In the past I have not been very PC when commenting upon the unusual names one hears being called in the Centrelink office in Inala.....and have 'made up' a few......Mohammed Wazoo, Booboo Umbongo and Ho Lee Fuk...... but today, I kid you not, I heard them call for "Wee High?" and " Wanda Mountain?"I hate filling in forms especially when you have to give information to an organisation that already has that information on other forms you have filled in. I kept filling in boxes and clicking 'Next' and hoping the next page would say "Yay! You have finished!".......but it didn't.Suddenly there was a loud siren noise accompanied by energetic dance music with a heavy beat. Everyone stopped and looked up. The noise was coming from a very large lady who was limping in, using a walking stick. She was wearing very tight leggings which showed off every contour of her voluminous body. It was obviously her mobile phone ring tone but she made no move to answer it and just kept on limping forward. Perhaps her mobile phone was not easily accessible but I could not see where she had secreted it even though I am sure the shape of it would have been noticeable in those leggings.Eventually the noise stopped. I looked at the beautiful African lady, in flowing colourful robes and headdress, sat near me, at another of the computers, and we both burst out laughing. We weren't laughing at the woman, just her weird choice of ring tone.One question asked me if I wanted to pay tax on my payments. I didn't know. I asked for help.A woman dressed in black with headset and microphone and a very unfriendly demeanour said "Oh, I can't help you with that. It's up to you.""But if I put 'No' what will happen?""Well, you will have to fill in a tax return form.""And if I put yes?""Well, you will still have to fill in a tax return form.""So?""It's up to you.....I can't tell you what to put."I put 'No.'I got to the end and was told by the computer that I needed to provide identity evidence,  complete an Assets Form and a MOD R form for the property I own in the UK."Can I print these forms out?" I asked another more amiable girl with headset and microphone."Yes," she said."But one of them is 15 pages long?""That's OK."It maybe OK to you, I thought, but you don't live in a tree!"I have actually filled in some of these forms before. Do I really need to fill them in again?""Oh, do you have a Centrelink reference number?"I gave it her......."And when did you fill these forms in?""Sometime last year.""Oh, they might have changed. It's probably best to fill in new ones."'......and sod the Koalas!' I thought.'If you wish to discard your claim press FINISH..........and go to 'my claims,' said an instruction on the page."Excuse me?" I called to the more amiable girl, "I have just spent nearly an hour filling this form in, If I press FINISH it is not going to discard it is it?"She read the instruction I was pointing too.......and looked bemused."Oh, that's not very clear is it?......no, press FINISH......if you want to discard it you have to open 'my claims ' on the next page and follow those instructions.I finally pressed FINISH and took my 'former Koala dwelling' of paper forms home with me to fill in.I spent much of the afternoon filling in the tedious Assets form they required, the MOD R form for my property in the Uk and another MOD R form, I had not expected, for Frogknot........all of which I had actually provided them with just last year.  As I was collecting original evidence and trying to print out the various forms of other evidence, they already had but required again, the printer ran out of paper. I drove off to Woolies for more paper, came back and eventually had all the paperwork ready.I went back to Centerlink at Inala, parked Roxy and ran to the office arriving at 3.50 pm noting that the office closed at 4.30 pm."How can I help?" Asked the guy at the reception point, with a smile."I need to provide this evidence," I said, breathlessly."Oh, I am sorry, we are not taking anymore appointments today we are booked up. I can take all this though and photocopy it for you later if you like?""And how do I get my original evidence documents back again?" I asked."You can't." He said curtly.....and then smiled annoyingly. He knew there was only one real option for me.....to flippin' go back tomorrow!"Sorry Buddy," ....and that smile again.He was no 'Buddy' of mine!I had seen this chap the other day I was there and knew he also had a limp. I wanted to knock that smile off his face by kicking his flippin' limpy leg!I will have to go back to Inala tomorrow.