Keeping my balls up.

There are four beds in my room occupied by Barbara, Maurice, Jacqueline and I. Last night Maurice slept like a log, Barbara had a hypo, and Jacqueline cleared her throat all night like 'Ann Elk' in the Monty Python sketch. I didn't sleep at all."Have you drunk any water?" Asked Telma the nurse."A bit," I said."Hmmm, I don't want to give you a catheter," she said."Fetch me a jug of water," I said.At midnight I asked to go to the toilet. Telma helped me hobble into the loo pushing my drip trolley and carrying my drain box.She offered to go out but I didn't care if she stayed as I sat down to wee. I felt something warm and wet on my left side and upper left leg and noticed that it was blood. I told Telma about it and she pressed a button for assistance and soon another nurse joined us."This is cosy," I said, never for one minute imagining that I would ever be on the loo weeing and bleeding with two nurses wondering what to do.They got me back in bed, cleaned me up and changed the dressing. My blood pressure alternated between low and high throughout the long night. I was comfortable but remembered everything. I was scared to go to the loo again at 5.30am but I was bursting. It all went well and Telma left me alone. I sat in my chair after that until breakfast chatting with Barbara and Jacqueline. Maurice hid behind his curtains. After breakfast Dr Cole arrived with his entourage and said that the drain could be removed."Has my lung reinflated?" I asked."We reinflated it in the theatre after the operation." He said.I said I had only used my pain killer button twice and he said that perhaps they would remove that later too. He said when I could show I could walk and manage the pain with tablets alone I would be allowed to go home.A physiotherapist arrived and marched me round the ward twice and I came back in the most pain I had felt so far.Kylie took over from Telma and Kylie removed my drain. I didn't feel it coming out but was alarmed to see how much tubing she pulled out of me.I felt much better after the drain came out. Will arrived at 10. A bevvy of female doctors arrived. I impressed them by showing them how I could keep my balls up on my 'triflow'  device and they ordered me off the pain relief drip and onto tablets. I had a shower and came out a different man in my own clothes.I had an email from Stanthorpe offering me a weeks supply in June and a week in July with years 5/6 and 3/4 respectively...which I accepted.By lunchtime Kylie had removed my cannulas and I was feeling quite chipper. They moved Barbara to another room as someone was coming from ICU and needed to be near the nurses station. At 2.00pm I was taken for an X-ray and came back to find the pubic hair shaver in Barbara's place. It turns out he is a Maori footballer... I wonder if he is famous.The doctors came round again at 4.30 and were pleased with my progress and said that if all goes well I can get out tomorrow.I honestly cannot believe I have recovered so quickly.