No Hope!

So...my day began with the clang of the rat trap at 5.30 am. Will was already off making cheese so I had to get out of bed and put it outside and try to get back to sleep for one last hour. I failed miserably.I chucked the rat out about two kilometers from home on the way to school. I found the Business Service Manager and got the Supply Teacher's Handbook and a key to the classroom. There were supposed to be some worksheets that the teacher whose class I was in had asked the secretary to photocopy...but they were not ready and Admin didn't arrive for another 30 minutes.I went to the classroom and set about reading the planning and getting things sorted in my head and the 30 minutes later headed back to Admin to get a 'Roll' list (register) and the photocopying. I closed the classroom door behind me and then wondered if it was self locking....it was and my key was inside. Oh Joy!At Admin a spare key was found, the secretary eventually found me a 'Roll' list but had great difficulty finding it on her computer. The photocopying was not ready but I got a new battery for the clock in the classroom which was not working and I knew I would be relying on it greatly in the hours ahead.'Don't let them in until 8.45!' I had been told but I opened the doors at 8.40 and the bell went. I was still 5 minutes out on the clock.I did the 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' question again, not because I had to but because I was interested. There were a few vets, a couple of 'cops' (interestingly they were both the boys who were to make my morning HELL!). There was a scientist, an astronaut, a hairdresser, (who again was gobsmacked at being asked what she would do with my hair), two teachers, a BMX rider, a fireman, and a ninja spy! The later was called Julian."Hello my name is Julian. I'm a Ninja spy,"...it doesn't really work does it?You would think that in a class that contained Hope and Harmony all would be well, but in fact there was no Hope...she was ill...and it was indeed an omen.Then it was to work. The first teacher aide of many arrived and we set off looking through magazines and newspapers to find pictures or words related to words in each of their individual word lists. The teacher aide worked with three girls as directed by the planning and I had to sort out the rest. Already two boys were playing up, (I had noticed them yesterday in my brief 1o minute introduction) they shall be here known as Toerag and Fidget.I had been warned to keep Toerag and Fidget apart but there was only me and they could not work independently so I sat between them like the Berlin Wall and tried to get something constructive done. Heaven knows what the rest of the class was doing or if they were doing the right thing...I could not for one second leave Toerag and Fidget unattended.The place was a bomb site, even Beirut looked tidier after the worst of the bombing but Fidget and Toerag got four words done. The tidying up was epic but Moses parted the Red Sea and so I too got something worse than Beirut tidied up only using my voice, a grimace and waving my arms.It was snack time and then we were off to the library to meet the 'Words Their Way' Woman. I gave a huge talk about behaviour before we went and we left with me tightly gripping Toerag and Fidget at the front. We met a class coming out from a previous session all with paper and pencils. No one had told me we needed paper and pencils I mentioned this to a passing teacher aide who said she would kindle go and get some for me.Trish, the Words Their Way Woman was just what you would expect from someone who makes their living from giving advice and teaching tips. There was rather too much of Trish for the dress she was wearing but I'm no fashion guru."I'm a supply teacher and know nothing about this" I chipped in helpfully, "and the other class that is coming also has a supply teacher too."Trish rolled her eyes. "You would think they would have had these classes yesterday when the class teachers were here. It's costing them a lot of money to have me here. I've come from  Melbourne."As it turned out the other class teacher didn't even know she had to come to the session and was 15 minutes late.  She arrived with a couple of grandparents in tow who sat and watched too. The other class teacher to be fair, looked even older than the limping grandparents. It was a veritable farce. Trish was peeved to be short of time but soldiered on.It was the longest 45 minutes of my life. Trish wore lots of different hats and even pretended to be the Queen of England in a very battered blue shower cap that even I would have sent her to the Tower for. Toerag sat beautifully throughout (I gave him an Iron man sticker) and even Fidget was bearable...(but no sticker for him.)"Oh, that was good!, " I effused to Trish when it was over. "I'm sorry I missed the P.D (Personal Development)." Of course it was a huge lie but I carried it off with aplomb.It was Morning Tea and I went to get my photocopying and had a drink in the staff room. No one spoke to me but I saw the Prep teacher who I had last covered for so sat with her.The principal came in and opened a selection of cheeses and set about eating them with some of her staff....she was introduced to Trish for the first time which boggled my mind since Trish had obviously done staff training without the Head being  present!It was reading after break and other adults arrived to work with groups but the last adult I expected did not turn up so I was left with three groups one of which included Toerag and Fidget. I set two groups off reading independently and concentrated on reading with Toerag and Fidget but it was rapidly going downhill and Toerag and Fidget were taking things to a whole new level of annoyance, so I gathered the three groups back up and got out a story."Farting, farting, farting" said Toerag while Fidget rolled about blowing raspberries. Toerag undid my shoelaces and poked his finger through the hole in the top of my shoe...(Yes, they have a hole in but they are comfy and blue and I like them).I read 'There was an old fella who swallowed a bunny'...It kept things on an even keel until the other groups rejoined us.It was maths next...and the lesson on probability, 'Will' 'Won't' and 'Might'. Three children were working with another adult that had arrived and I had the rest of the class facing me at their desks like in Victorian times. The lesson was for an hour....but Lunchtime was in sight.I did my best though we never got to record anything in their maths books but we did some 'events' together (pigs will fly....'won't') before I put them in threes and got them to sort some events together.Guess who I was working with...yes, bad old Toerag and Fidget.With 10 minutes to go I finally snapped and grabbed Fidgets chair off him and made him stand up. He leant on his table but I slammed down the wodge of paper I was holding on his desk with such a bang that I was sure if she hadn't done already Elicia would surely have peed her pants with that bang....(she didn't).....and hissed at Fidget "And don't lean on the table!"He started to cry. Victory was mine. I wanted to do a lap of honour and pose like Usain Bolt but didn't.I cracked him....It had to be done. Even Toerag was shocked.The bell went for lunchtime."Listen guys," I said, "Let's have a better afternoon shall we?"They all agreed and sloped off but I stopped Fidget."Would you rather we were friends?"He nodded."Well,  what do you think you have to do?""Be respectful," he said, unexpectedly."Well......yes......er and what else?"........he couldn't cme up with what I was looking for..."Do the right thing." I said....." and sit still." I added to make the point clear."If you could choose one of my superhero stickers which one would you choose?" I asked."Superman" he muttered."Then be a superman this afternoon and he's yours now off you go."I spent the whole of lunchtime cutting out animals for our science lesson to make it far more engaging that what had already been planned and didn't even have time to eat anything.The afternoon went much better. We discussed habitats, briefly looked at the unhelpful picture the teacher had left for us and quickly moved onto choosing one of the animals I had spent all lunchtime cutting out and creating a habitat for it, ensuring it had something to eat, drink and a place to live.We got side tracked by a discussion on litter and they were all captivated at my performance of tiny mouse trying to get out of a glass bottle as I scrabbled helplessly at the whiteboard. Even all the Black actors in the Academy would have voted for my performance over Will Smith or Denzel Washington.Not content with that I then informed them that once trapped in the bottle they were then baked by the sun....I think everyone of them was open mouthed and moved.Monique put up her hand."Yes, Monique?""I saw a tiger die.""You saw a tiger die? Where?""At the zoo.""How did it die?"Monique was looking uncomfortable...and wishing she hadn't made the story up."Did it just drop dead because you were looking at it? I hope you asked for your money back. Fancy going to the zoo and the animals die in front of you. It's just not on."It was the Mr Allen Show, Live and Dangerous but I was on a roll and somehow the afternoon flew by.We finished with a game of hangman that left them crying for more."Can we play it tomorrow?""Only if you are good." I said. "I have been Mr Allen, thank you and good afternoon."And off they went....Fidget got his Superman sticker and Toerag gave me a high five.After school I had the ordeal of Bus duty....I am only paid until 3.00 but this went on till 3.30....it's a bit naughty.....and it was another bear garden....with all sizes of children."Hello, I'm Angel," said a girl holding out her hand to me."How delightful," I thiught, but she was no Angel...in fact far from it. "Pain in the Arse" is more like it.The other teacher with me read out the names of bus people....."Hope?......Hope?""There is no Hope." I said.