A Tale of two 'Titty's'.

(Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)So...my day began quite differently than normal with me pacing the house with stress and anxiety about the day ahead. It just goes to show how relaxed and stress free my life is when I am not faced with work.I headed off to the school at 7.40 am and arrived about 10 past 8. I found the Principal in her office and introduced myself. She took me on a quick tour."You have so much space and great facilities," I commented. "How many children are there altogether?""24" she replied.There were huge outdoor areas, tennis courts, undercover play areas, sand pits and allsorts of different buildings, one called 'The Workshop' and 'The Music Room'."Wow! You have a Music Room!""Well, we don't use that. It's kind of a work in progress," she said.She fingered a sheet on a wall entitled 'Information for Supply Teachers'."Oh, I won't give you that I think it needs updating," she said.She took me to 'The Happy Feet Room' the Prep to Year 2 classroom.She reeled off a list of boys names in the class who were a bit difficult and needed to be watched."We have two Titty's" she said, "Titty Z and Titty N".(OK, they were not called 'Titty' and yes, it really is a girls name but for the purposes of this tale I shall call these boys 'Titty.')"we had to send Titty Z home last week and he missed his swimming. He was very rude to me," she went on.I was eyeing the door and wondering if I could make a run for it. The conversation was not filling me with joy and I was wondering what the Hell I was doing."We have 'BB' reward cards that you can give out which they can spend like money in the 'BB' shop,"  she was explaining. I think one of the 'B's stood for Behaviour but I came to know them as the Big Bribe' cards."They normally get one at the end of each day but they had a supply teacher all last week and you will be a new face today and they are all unsettled so you can give one out at the end of each session so they have a chance of getting three today.""O.K" I said.She left me alone and I paced the room hoping that I would survive the day.The day started at 9.00 am and all 11 filed in and I sat them on the floor. The classroom assistant for the day, Mrs P, also came in."We usually sit at our desks" said one."Well, I would like you on the floor." I said.I introduced myself and had drawn a picture of me on the board."Does it look like me?" I asked. They said it did."You will notice that I have a bit of beard going on but very little hair up top.""You're bald," said someone observant."Yes, but I don't like that word," I said. " I won't tell you the sad and tragic tale of how I lost it...""....because it is too scary?" Interrupted Titty Z."Exactly" I said.I did the roll and asked them about their weekend. We had visits from cousins, two girls had done 'sheep work',  Titty Z had been 'pigging' and a couple had been swimming."What did you do?" Asked Titty Z.I couldn't remember but then told them about Long-Mu and Dou-Mu and I felt and sounded like one of them...a country lad.I brought out 'my friend' Fred the Frog and said if they were good they might get to hold him. Then I said I had a story about him and his friend Toad and I read them the story called 'The Letter'."Do you know about letter?" I asked."Yes!" They cried, "we were writing letters last week to Santa.""Well, Crikey!" I exclaimed, " what a spooky coincidence that I should come here and read a story about a letter and you have been writing letters. What are the chances of that?"We then wrote a letter together to the class teacher who was returning tomorrow telling her all about what they had done while she was away.So far so good. The two Titty's were sitting well.It was fruit break next followed by an hour of reading and word work. Mrs P heard the readers and another lady came to do sight words. I kept an eye on the rest who were cutting letters out of magazines and spelling sight words and sticking them in their books....a joyless task but we survived it and arrived at Morning Tea.I was able to give them all a 'BB' card and off they went out.I had a duty from 11.15 until 11.45 so went out and collected a duty folder and patrolled the Oval while they played.One of the Junior girls came up to me and smiling said,"I stole  a cookie from the cookie jar."I opened the file I was holding and took up the pen and said"And what is your name please?""Chantelle" she said. Her smile had disappeared."I need to make a note of this, " I said, "You stole a cookie from the cookie jar? Is this a confession because I think I need to report this to the authorities?"Chantelle was now looking worried."It's from a song," she blurted."Oh!" I said, "I thought you were admitting to a crime." I put the pen away and closed the folder. "That's alright then," and I walked off leaving Chantell in dismay.Another classroom assistant was under another covered area with another group of Junior children."Can you sing Mr Allen?" She asked."Can I sing? Of course I can! Why some people have said that I should go on Australia's Got Talent," I said, "but I choose to be a Supply Teacher instead.""Well, they are doing "'(Insert a name of school here)'s Got Talent' here. Want to join in?""Can I be a Judge?!" I said.They let me."Have you heard of Simon Cowell?" I asked. They had. "Well, he has nothing on me!"The first act was dreadful. A girl bouncing a ball and being menacing. It was a 'No' from me and another Judge but she got 2 'Yes's' so went into the next round.The next act sang!...albeit tunelessly but  I gave them a 'Yes' for having more 'Balls' (ahem) than the previous act. They got 4 'Yes's' and went through to the next round.The last act said she was called 'Brie'."Like the cheese?" I asked. She looked bemused. "There is a cheese called Brie," I said. "I hope you don't stink like cheese."She turned round and had her name on the back of her t shirt...It was 'Bre'."Oh, That's alright then." I said. "You are not like cheese."Bre sang too and had a much better voice and I actually recognised the song this time.She got high praise from the judges and went through to the next round.In the next round the 'one ball juggler' was eliminated and we were left with two finalists. The tuneless singer opted to dance....very badly in this round and Bre sang again winning the competition.I made a quick exit before I was mobbed by fans.The second session of the day started with 'Spelling Mastery' and I was told to play hangman. I paired up with Titty Z and he was good and I could see he was a bright boy. Then we had an hour of maths on 'Partitioning 10'. Fred the Frog sat with Titty N who worked really well. I tried to vary the activities but couldn't make it last for an hour so I taught them a frog song and then we had another Frog and Toad story before lunch. I was able to give everyone a 'BB' card except 'Nitwit' another boy who wriggled about during the story. I told him exactly why he didn't get one but said  he still had another chance to get one later.After lunch Titty Z came back all upset as the Principal had taken a toy parachute off him and Titty N had been winding him up. It did not bode well for 'Silent Reading' but they managed it or about 15 minutes while I shared a book with Titty Z. He was a good reader and I praised him and said if he concentrated at school he could do well."What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked."I want to be like you...." he said. I was deeply touched.".....but with hair." he added.The planning said that after 'Silent Reading' we could play a game for half an hour. A doddle I thought but they started to get restless and so I ended by recapping the Frog song from earlier and then it all went to pot! The two Titty's went haywire and ran about wildly. It was an instantaneous change. Mrs P was calling to them to be sensible but it was to no avail and eventually she took them off to see the Principal.The rest of us got ready for 'Parade' (Assembly) and walked over to the main building for that and then it was time for them all to go home."Thanks very much," said the Principal later."I'm sorry it all went wrong at the end of the day." I said."Oh, that's alright," she said, " They were rude and we can't have that. Everyone has said you did really well. We'll have you back."I am back on the 6th December....but do I want to go back?