Toerag and Fidget - One Year On.

So...today I was back at school .I had been called into cover in Toerag and Fidget's class and I was expecting them still to be there as last year they were in Year 1 and now they would be in Year 2After I said yesterday that I had been asked if I was interested in taking their class for two days a week for the next term I received an email to say that I was no longer needed as their present class teacher was leaving due to ill health and a new teacher was taking over on Monday. I am fine with that, though the money would have been good, but I think it is much better to have one teacher than two different ones.The class teacher they had had so far this year left yesterday, permanently I think as I found her office to be reminiscent of looted supermarket. It was gutted!The planning I had been left was basic to say the least but I do not blame her. If I was on my last legs the last thing I would be bothered about would be to plan fully for another teacher.The Senco came and explained the 'Ipad bribery' that kept Toerag in line. He had had a tantrum at home last night as his old teacher was leaving. A mother appeared asking me if she could come and collect her daughter's books after school as she was moving class."Oh, which class is she moving to?" I asked."I don't know" she replied, "just not this one." Oh dear. There is more to this I thought."You can collect the books for me but I am just in for the day. Please check with the office that it is OK with them," I said.The bell went and they all came in. There were lots of happy faces to see me which was nice.A woman walked in who I assumed had come to help with the first activity which was reading. She looked quite prim and nervy but quietly took a seat."Hello!" I said to the class, "Remember me?"Of course they did. half of them and been in this class last year and the rest I knew from taking the two Prep classes."Yes, I remember you too " I went on " I'm just getting over the nightmares."The prim, nervy woman laughed so loudly that those children sitting nearest to her jumped in utter fright.Today's 'Roll' question was 'if you could go anywhere in the World where would you go?'There were lots of Sydney's, a few America's, a South Pole, a couple of England's and Brisbane's and an Africa.We split into reading groups and as usual I was left sitting with two groups as one of the adults did not turn up. The Head appeared smiling, asked how I was and said that it was OK for the mother from earlier to come and collect her daughter's books after school.I told her I was waiting for another adult to take a group of children."Oh, I'll take them," she said, " I'd rather keep out of my office. What are we doing?""The plan I have been given just says 'Reading Comprehension'" I said unhelpfully.She took the group and I took mine and we spent half an hour reading and discussing the story. Fidget lived up to the name I have given him and wriggled throughout.When reading was over all the other adults left and we moved onto 'Handwriting' and the letter 'M'. I set them off and there was suddenly complete silence......it was quite weird but i enjoyed it while it lasted.After that we did maths. Toerag was working like a star....he wanted his time on that Ipad. He finished everything first and was no bother at all. Fidget just fidgeted and hasn't really grown up.Toerag got his Ipad time just before 'Morning Tea' and then off they all went. I went over to the office to get some photocopying done.I was standing by the photocopier copying when there was a loud "MR ALLEN!" It was a boy from the prep class last year. I looked up and saw the secretary on the phone between us so waved but put a finger to my lips. I walked over to him."How are you?" I asked."Good" he said, eating a biscuit."So why have you got to spend Morning Tea in the office?" I asked."For touching people's private places," was his unexpected reply."Oh, well just touch your biscuits then," I said and went back to my photocopying.I had to wave at various people all the way back to the classroom in reply to loud "MR ALLEN!" calls. I got a sense of what it must be like for Tom Cruise when he visits Aldi.After morning tea the planning said "Read a story" and the time I had to fill was one hour. I doubted that the children would have enjoyed 'War and Peace' so read some Frog and Toad stories.They had been learning about Life Cycles so we did the Life Cycle of a Frog and sang a frog song. I filled the hour and then they had earned a celebration for getting 100 Gotcha bands and the planning said 'Play Soccer.'Sigh.We went out and I split them into two teams and chucked a ball between them and let them chase it for half an hour. I hadn't a clue  whether they were offside but Toerag scored four goals before it was thankfully time to go back in.It was lunchtime and stupidly I had asked if I had any duties....it seems I hadn't but seeing as I mentioned it they found me one....I had to take the 'Delinquents Club' ( my name for it not theirs )for half an hour in my classroom over the lunch break. These were those children who could not be trusted to play nicely during lunchtime and therefore had to be supervised. I had to go and collect them from where they were eating lunch and bumped into one of the other teachers."Hey!" she said, "You'll never guess what my class said this morning.They said 'Oh, it's not fair! Mr Allen is in school and he's not in our class"I put my hand on her shoulder."I'm sorry" I said.The 'delinquents' could bring a 'buddy' with them and of course Toerag was one and guess who he brought it?.....Yes! Flippin' Fidget! The loud private part toucher was there too and another year one lad with verbal diarrhea. My cup runneth over with the joy of it all.After lunch the plan said "Do something crafty" I did contemplate shouting "Look Out!" and pointing then doing a runner while they weren't looking but we made frogs from paper plates instead. They loved it and the last hour passed quickly.In the last 5 minutes before hometime I asked them what they were doing for the weekend.Fidget said he was going to Brisbane."I'm going to Brisbane too" I said menacingly, "I'll sniff you out. Keep looking behind you for I might be there watching you." I loomed over him...and then spotted the mother who was coming to collect her daughter's books eavesdropping.I pointed at another child, a delightful, smiley girl who had worked wonderfully all day"And what are you going to be doing this weekend?" I asked...and I kid you not...this was her reply..."Total Human Annihilation" she beamed. I was speechless and the silence was broken by the sound of the bell.Perhaps it is a good thing that I am not going to be with them for two days a week next term.