The Bumpy Road to Paradise.

After having booked the Fiji trip a few weeks ago I had done nothing since...until yesterday when I arranged the travel insurance and booked the airport parking. Looking at the Expedia booking confirmation form I had been sent I noticed a link for vouchers that needed to be printed out. I clicked it and was met by “This website is currently undergoing essential maintenance. Please try again later.” I was not unduly concerned. This was a major company and probably had lots of traffic and I was sure it would be back up soon. I emailed all the insurance, car park and the voucher link to Will to print out at work as we have no printer at home.When I went to collect him he had all the papers, except the vouchers... as the website was still down.No matter, we were going to see Ros later. I needed a Justice of the Peace to sign and certify the copies of all the documents I have to send to register with the Queensland College of Teachers. It just so happened that Ros was a Justice of the Peace! While we were there we could hopefully get her to print out the vouchers for us.All went well with the document signing but it turned out that Ros did not have a working printer at home....still no vouchers...and now I was worried. We now had no means of printing them off even if we could download them.Back in the man-cave I phoned Expedia...I listened to the number of options from the automated service and selected the right one for me...’enquiries about existing bookings’...I was met with “Everything you need to know is in your itinerary, if you would like this emailed to you press 1. No more options. I didn’t want it emailed to me. I already had it. I had to listen to the message repeated three times and was almost at screaming point...when it changed and I moved on. I was on hold waiting for the next available consultant. The ‘hold’ music was excruciating....all distorted and kept fading out...I suspected I would end up in India...I did.My consultant came on...”Thank you for holding, your patience is greatly appreciated. How may I help?”I told him about being unable to print off the vouchers....He needed to consult with someone and he put me on ‘hold’.He came back.”Thank you for holding, your patience is greatly appreciated.”He asked if I just needed the transportation vouchers. I said yes. He was going to send them to me and could I hold?“Yes.” The ‘hold’ music was all travel related...Coldplay – ‘Paradise,’ Oleta Adams- ‘Get here.’”Thank you for holding, your patience is greatly appreciated. Can you just confirm your email address?”I did.“Please hold.”All Saints – ‘The Beach’”Thank you for holding, your patience is greatly appreciated. I have sent you the vouchers. Can I assist you with anything else?”He couldn’t. I just wanted to get off the phone.Ten minutes later the email arrived...’Your transportation vouchers....Please find.’ I couldn’t. They were not attached to the email!Luckily while I had been on ‘hold’ Will had managed to download an Expedia app found the vouchers and made screenshot copies of them. It would have to do. I noticed on them it said we had to notify ‘Rosie Holidays’ 48 hours before departure of our arrival time. Heck! I sent an email off quick and hoped it would get there before us.We went to bed and no sooner had I fallen asleep than it was time to get up. I was going to be calm. I always get a bit stressed when travelling but today I was going to be calm.All went well, there was more traffic than I expected heading into Brisbane at 6.00am but we found the airport car park place easily and got on the shuttle bus and were quickly at the airport. We did not have to queue long at the check-in desk and check-in went smoothly. We passed easily through immigration and had a coffee in the lounge. I spotted a printer at a bank of internet consoles...’$2 for 20 mins’. We managed to print off the transportation vouchers.I was calmer.We were flying Virgin Australia. We were not expecting a meal the plane so bought a six inch Subway roll and packed it in our hand luggage. We went straight to the gate and boarded. My window seat was right over the wing which was a bit disappointing.We took off on time and once at cruising altitude had a complimentary breakfast!We had to fill in Fijian landing cards that said that no food could be brought into the country so we had to stuff our six inch subs down us too before we landed.The flight took 3 hours and 25 minutes. There was a period of about 45 minutes where we had to remain seated as we passed by the cyclone forming over the Coral Sea. The plane was not full so I was able to move to a window seat further back to see better as we landed in Fiji.It was 32 degrees and humid. It looked like the airport was still being built. There was a four piece band singing Fijian songs as we entered the slightly air-conditioned terminal building. We sailed through immigration and our baggage was almost first off. All our luggage was x-rayed before we headed out to find ‘Rosie Holidays’ and our transport to the resort.We withdrew some Fijian dollars from an ANZ auto-teller and handed our printed vouchers in at ‘Rosie Holidays’. The lady who dealt with us was lovely. In fact everyone was so friendly. People kept smiling and saying ‘Bula!’ to us which is hello in Fijian.We were introduced to our driver, Kasim and he took us to the transport. We were expecting a mini-bus but we were taken to a lovely white four-wheeled drive Toyota, clean and air-conditioned.Kasim said the drive would take about 2 hours...it was slightly shorter. He said the lady who we had spoken to was ‘Rosie’ herself. He talked all the way, pointing things out, telling us about the trees and the mountains and the buildings we were passing. He told us there were very few snakes after the Indians brought in the mongoose. He told us local legends, the provinces we were passing through and all about each village. He stopped at a supermarket for us to get a few things and then needed another toilet stop a bit further on...at what turned out to be his brother-in-law’s craft shop. We are not green and knew what was going on...we were offered coffee but declined and we headed on without even going inside.It was all a bit of a culture shock to me...the people looked poorer than I had expected. There had been a lot of flooding recently and things were still getting back to normal. We passed rickety houses, people herding cows down the road, roadside stalls with 6 mangoes for sale, a small boy held up his catch of fish as we drove past, hoping we would buy them, two small school girls sat on a rock by the road under the spreading branches of a beautiful tree reading a book together. We passed sugar cane, banana trees, cassava plants, breadfruit trees, the beach where they made the ‘Survivor’ series and where they filmed ‘The Blue Lagoon’. They all passed by before I could capture them with my camera.Finally we arrived at the Wellesley Resort which was off the main road and down a winding and very bumpy dirt track. It was certainly remote but the countryside we passed was beautiful.We thanked Kasim. He had been great.‘Don’t tip the taxi drivers’ said the online advice I had read.We ignored it.Ok, so Kasim had spent all his retirement fund on his eldest sons education who now wanted to go to medical school in Suva and that was very expensive...Kasim was angling for a tip...we knew that.“Will you take this?” said Will holding out $20 Fijian dollars (£7).“It would be my pleasure,” said Kasim, beaming.“Bula! Bula!” We were greeted by Lani at reception. She led us through the lush, tropical grounds to Room 18 and left us to settle in.The room looked fine. The air-conditioning was good and it was quiet. It looked clean and tidy but the first cupboard I opened revealed a carton of rat killer. It was not a good start.We left our things and went for a wander around the resort. It was hot and sticky outside. The pool looked inviting and a lady, who was evolving back into a whale, was just dropping her towel and stepping cautiously down the steps into it. We hurried on past just in case there was overspill as she fully immersed herself. The beach was very close and sandy. The beach was beautiful and looking down it to the west I almost had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. The view and the late afternoon light were like something out of a film...but we were actually there. We wandered down the beach to the east and were soon hailed “Bula!” by a large lady fishing. She introduced herself as ‘Mary’. She lived in the nearby village and gave massages.“I am on the internet all over the World,” she said.“You are,” I said. I had read a review that said don’t have a massage at the resort go to Mary in the village along the beach. She is much better.“You come for massage?” she asked.“We might,” I said.She turned me round and started massaging my shoulders to show me how good she was. Yes, it was firm. She invited us to the village tomorrow at 10 for dancing.“10 at night?” I asked.“No, 10 in the morning. You come?” We did not commit. We thought we might still be in bed.We wandered back to the resort.“It has an air of decay about it doesn’t it?” said Will.It did.It is as if the better days are over and now it is slowly crumbling.Back in the room I found tiny ants by the kettle and we heard something big, cackle and rustle in the roof.“Bats,” said Will.As it went dark a toad hopped past the door outside, then another. Will discovered they were cane toads.We went for dinner at 8.00. I almost stepped on a hermit crab on the steps outside and the path through the trees to the restaurant was covered with toads...some hopped off, some were brazen and stood their ground and we had to step over them.“Bula” said Torika and handed us menus as we sat down. The whale lady was seated with three other people...she was still in her bulging and damp swimming costume, barely wrapped in a towel.There were four geckos lurking on the ceiling...occasionally ‘tutting’.Whale lady and friends were having pizza. We were handed the A’la Carte menu!It said A’la Carte at the top of the menu but it was hardly that.Will chose Bruschetta for starter and I chose Herb Bread. It was moist toast with herbs on.Torika was lovely and Mary turned out to be her auntie. We asked her about the sea kayaks and the snorkelling equipment but ended up still none the wiser as to whether we had to pay for them. She said “Don’t go beyond the reef...or you meet my friend...the shark!” Oh, how we laughed.For his main Will had Tropical Steak (marinated in pawpaw) with salad and I ordered a fruity chicken curry with potatoes, that turned out to be lumpy.It was ok at best.“What are you looking at?” said Will as I was distracted by events behind him mid meal.“Oh, Torika is just chasing a toad out of the kitchen.” I said.Will had Deep Fried Ice Cream for dessert and I had the Chocolate Paradise. It was chocolate but not paradise.We wondered what delights we could choose tomorrow from the A’la Carte menu as we dodged the toads back to our room.“Goodnight!” shouted someone in a bush nearby.“Goodnight,” we called back a bit startled.Back in the room...something was different. The cushion on the bed had gone and had been replaced with an arrangement of a fern leaf and tropical flowers and the corners of the sheet had been turned.“That’s nice, “ I said.“Yes, but a bit creepy,” said Will.Paradise seems not all it’s cracked up to be.