For today I am 'Stacey Rabbit'.

(In the following names have been changed and any resemblance to people living or dead is purely accidental....ahem.)So...I was woken by my phone vibrating just before 8.00 am. I did not recognise the number and guessed it to be TRACER asking me to cover in a school. I held the phone in my hand as it rang and thought of it as the $370 I would get for answering it but decided in the end not to answer it. I had things I wanted to do today...like tidy up for the first time since we got back...but first I went back to sleep.I was woken again just after 9.00 am by the phone ringing again. It couldn't be to teach now because school had started. I answered it."Hello Nick!" It was the Business Services Officer at a school in town, "What are you up to today?""Er...not very much," I was caught off guard."Do you fancy helping us and doing some cover work today?""Er...what is it for?""Well, it is as a Support Teacher and you would be working in different classes with different children."Before I had really thought about it I had said 'Yes'."When can you get here?""In about three quarters of an hour?""Great! See you at 10.00."What had I done? I fell out of bed and got washed and dressed, ate a few mouthfuls of yoghurt and then noticed 'chooks' in the garden. I spent ten valuable minutes I did not have chasing flippin' 'chooks' out of the garden with a broom before getting in the car and driving to town.Why had I said Yes? Did I not realise that I would be working with those children who I now basically want to avoid?! I was an idiot.At the school the SENCO handed me a timetable and explained that I was covering for Stacey Rabbit. She quickly told me about some of the children I would be working with and I was slowly filled with dread.I had to dash off to the first class, a 3/4 class, to work in class with a group of children. The teacher  was young and I guessed in her first year of teaching. She was standing at the front with the class facing her. She looked up as I walked in."Hello, I'm Mr Allen and I am standing in for....er....for..." I couldn't remember the name, "...standing in for...someone and I am here to work with some children.""Now? " she asked."Yes," I said, "till 10.30.""Well, we are just doing this but I will set you off with a group shortly," she said indicating her whiteboard.I took a seat and noticed someone else sitting around a corner and wondered if  she was being observed.She was teaching them about paragraphs.I have to say she was excellent. She reminded me of a swan as she calmly moved about the classroom teaching them about paragraphs. The class however were awful, distracted, restless and fidgeting with things. She moved gracefully about removing rulers and other objects from childrens hands and praised those who were listening. She was a swan in a rough sea filled with sharks. She explained everything clearly though I have to admit I didn't know or care that a paragraph must have a 'point', 'evidence', an 'explanation' and a 'linking sentence'.It turned out I was to work with some children with the other adult in the room who also turned out to be a support teacher."Gosh, she's good," I said to the other woman."Yes," she said. " She is. We are lucky to have her. I am mentoring her this year."I only had about 10 minutes left to help the children sent to me with their paragraph writing before I had to leave for another class. I apologised to the teacher and left for my second session in another 3/4 class."Mr Allen!" cries went up as I walked in. there were a few children I had briefly taught last year.I had remembered who I was covering for."Hello, I am Stacey Rabbit for today," I said to the teacher."Oh good,we are just about to do spelling groups, " she said.I was given three boys and we worked in another room outside the class. Their names all started with B. One of them was a 'Little B' and I knew him from last year but I had managed to avoid teaching in his class. We'll call the others 'Medium B' and 'Big B'. They had some words which they had to match to pictures.There was another group working in this room from another class and one of the children was causing a fuss and wouldn't sit down and was being very difficult. He was 'A' and he was autistic. He was not the autistic 'A' that had entered the realm of Toerag and Fidget last year, that was another one. I had seen this one last year kicking off during 'Parade' (assembly) and thought 'Oh my goodness, he's a handful.'I knew I had a one to one session with him later which the SENCO had warned me would be the hardest of the day."But you'll be fine," she had said, "I picked you because I knew you would be fine."I wished I had her confidence in me.I worked with my group of 'B''s and got them to sort and resort over again keeping them interested by saying that if they got them all right a second time I would do a little dance. Of course they did get them all right so I did my best John Travolta impression."You're funny" said .Little B'.We still had time to fill so I got them to try and sort and match the words and pictures quicker by saying"This time if you get them all right you have to do the little dance." I was not sure this 'on the hoof' idea would work but they went for it.They got them all right and enjoyed doing their little dances for me.The bell for Morning Tea rang and I was free from them.My next sessions, after break, were one to one in the SEP room. I don't know what SEP stands for, no one told me....Special Educational Programme?I popped into the Teacher Aides staff room, they have a room separate from 'real' teachers. I didn't know whether I was a Teacher Aide for the day or a Teacher but I had my break with them. I did feel that they were a bit uncomfortable that I was there."I am working with 'A' soon" I said, " Any tips?" They were very helpful and gave me some good advice.My first session after break was with 'Medium B' from earlier. He had a computer programme to work on so that half hour passed very quickly and easily. I walked him back to class and then went to the class next door to pick up 'A'."Hello," I said, "Today I am Stacey Rabbit and I have come to take 'A' to work with me."He took my hand and I led him like a lamb to the SEP room. He immediately went and got something off the shelf that wasn't part of the work we had to do. (We had to do reading! Aaaarrgghh!) I let him go with it for a bit. It was a selection of wooden food models which you could cut in half with a wooden knife, also provided."Zombie food!" he muttered and grabbing the knife said, "Let's fight them!"It wasn't the kind of thing I felt I should be doing and I wondered how he was going to react but I said,"Well, we need to put this away now and then I have got something to show you."I expected fireworks but he put them away and I spread out an array of interesting books from his work file."Which shall we read first?" I asked.He picked one about a helicopter.The Teacher Aides had said 'Make things as active as you can', 'get him moving.' It was raining in the story and there were lots of puddles in the picture so we got up and holding his hand we went round the room splashing in imaginary puddles. We went back to the story and along came a Tow Truck. I grabbed a big soft toy car and pretended my car had broken down and he was the Tow Truck and came and fixed it. Next he was a helicopter and I pushed him around the room on a wheely chair as he made helicopter noises. We read the next book and were cats and fish and he even acted out a part where a boy in the story said " No! No! No! Naughty cat, leave those fish alone!" Our last book was called Brave Tom who fell and hurt his knee. He showed me how Tom tripped and I pretended to clean his leg and put a plaster on it.Our thirty minutes was up and it was time to go back to class and he held my hand all the way back.My next session was in 'A's class and the teacher put me with him again. They were all doing persuasive paragraphs like the other year 3/4 classes but 'A' only had to put a sentence under a series of pictures he had drawn. We went out to work in the room I had been in earlier with the 'B's, the same room in which I had seen him causing a fuss and running about.He worked with me for half an hour and stayed on his chair. It was hard to get the sentences out of him to go under the pictures he had drawn. He was persuading people to buy cookies but his cookies were space cookies and the pictures were full of aliens. We managed three sentences in that half hour. The teacher was pleased. The bell went for lunch time.I went back to the SEP room and passing the Teacher Aides staffroom popped my head  and called "I'm still alive!"During lunch break I had to spend half an hour supervising in the SEP room while all manner of children with behavioural problems descended upon it to play in an attempt to keep them out of mischief elsewhere. This was the worse bit of the day. I hadn't a clue who should be there and who shouldn't. One girl grabbed a box of musical instruments and I just managed to rescue a pair of cymbals from the grasp of 'Little B' before he clashed them."I don't think we will have these out today," I said. I hadn't the strength.'A' was there, all the 'B's and a dozen of others that I hadn't had the 'pleasure' of meeting. I caught one boy trying to steal some rubber snakes so sat down with him and his sister to distract him. We were chatting happily until his sister said,"Remember that time with Derek and Shirley, before Shirley died...""Oh dear," I said, " How did Shirley die?""Don't talk about it " said the snake thief putting his hands over his ears. " I had a dream that I stabbed her in the chest with a knife!"Yikes! Heaven knows what goes on in some of these children's lives."Well, let's talk about flowers.....or butterflies." I said.Thankfully that longest half hour of the day came to an end and for my last session of the day I had to work with a boy from a year 5/6 class who needed help with a geography assessment. He was delightful and not a bit of trouble though he seemed a bit down and tired. We didn't get the assessment finished but all the bits we did get filled in were done correctly.My day as Stacey Rabbit day hadn't been as bad as I had feared or been warned it could be. They thanked me for coming at such short notice. I didn't let on that I had ignored their earlier call that morning still I would be paid for four hours instead of five.I went to the supermarket straight after school and encountered grinning children in every aisle. Walking out into the carpark with a huge packet of toilet rolls under my arm I was accosted by another smiling and waving child from last year's Toerag and Fidget class and his mother."Crikey!" I said " I can't even buy toilet roll in peace!"